Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I loved Conference. It amazes me that I used to dread it. I would fall asleep whenever I watched it and make faces at all the old men on the TV screen. I even gave up the opportunity to go to Pres. Hinckley's birthday party once, how foolish I was. This year I didn't want it to end. Tyson and I watched The Testaments afterwards because it just felt so good to feel the Spirit so strongly, I didn't want it to go away. I enjoyed all the talks, and even with my first time having a baby to take care of I didn't have to miss a single talk. I feel so blessed to have been born into the LDS faith, I never had to search churches to find the truth, I just had to have faith in what I had always been taught. Faith, that is something that used to come so easily for me. Lately it seems as though I fear everything. I am so worried that something will happen to my little baby, or every kiss and hug with Tyson will be the last. I know this life is so frail and we have no guarentees of how long we will live. But my fear was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep, and I was constantly have emotional breakdowns, and I was being so selfish of Tyson's time. So I have been reading the Conference talks from last August, and Elder Hales talked about the need to receive personal revelation, that we need to pray and have faith. I realized then that my faith was slipping away from me because I did not trust in God enough. "If ye have faith, ye shall not fear" (? I'm pretty sure that is a scripture) and "Fear none of these things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev 2:10). It was amazing to me when I prayed, how much peace I felt. I do not know what will happen in this life, but I must trust in the Lord. It was such a wonderful feeling, listening to Conference and feeling that incredible feeling of peace that no one else can give but the Lord, and it is all because He loves us.