The Good Word and Great Men

Can I just tell you, I LOVE Conference! I used to dread it, but it has become one of my favorite things, especially when the prophet, President Monson (or "my friend" as Josh calls him) speaks. He is just so funny and optimistic. I sometimes wish I could hang out with all these men and their wives and families, they are so incredible. But then they would know me and all my flaws, so I guess I would rather not. :) But jeepers, I just love them. And so do my boys. Josh and Caleb keep asking to watch the "postles." What a good life and a great weekend!

"Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne'er forsaketh"

Today I went to a memorial service this evening. A wonderful family in our ward had a little baby girl that only lived a few days. She had several complications, so in some ways it was a blessing, but it is never easy to lose a child even if "it is a good thing." I was amazed by the parent's calm appearance and their complete faith in the Lord. I couldn't help but remember the feelings I had with Josh when he had his seizure. I felt at the time that I might lose him, but I cannot fathom actually losing a child. We sang this hymn and I was especially touched by the phrase "Though he giveth or he taketh, God his children ne’er forsaketh."

“299: Children of Our Heavenly Father,” Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, no. 299

1. Children of our Heav’nly Father
Safely in his bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given.

2. Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord his children sever;
Unto them his grace he showeth,
And their sorrows all he knoweth.

3. Though he giveth or he taketh,
God his children ne’er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.


I am so thankful that sweet family was so kind to let us all come and have a memorial service with them. I'm not sure I would want to see anyone if I was in their shoes. I am so thankful the Lord blesses each of us. I often wonder why He blesses us with the trials He does, and I'm not sure what trials I will have in the future. But I am so thankful the Lord has been so generous with the things He has given me. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I hope to always remember that no matter what happens, the Lord has not abandoned me, because He never will. Nothing can seperate us from His love.

Conference

As always, I really enjoyed General Conference (www.lds.org). I have to say that I am so thankful for the internet because that way we could stay home and watch it while Josh took a nap so that we could actually watch it. When he was awake though, I tried to pay attention. I just have to say that I love the Prophet, President Thomas S. Monson. He is so sweet and funny. It is kind of weird in a way that so many of the apostles have died while I have been alive. I didn't actually learn the apostles until I was probably in high school, but even since then 7 new apostles have been called when others moved on to the other side of the veil. I am excited for the opportunity to get to know this new apostle, Elder Neil L. Anderson.

Anyways, my favorite quote from Conference was this:

"Fear not, be of good cheer, the future is as bright as your faith." -President Monson

Sit a little straighter, pray a little more

This past week I have been reading from this last Conference Ensign. It is funny because I have really gotten into a habit of reading out of the Book of Mormon or Conference Ensign every day for awhile now. However, I have really been slacking on praying every day, much less actually praying with any feeling. A few weeks ago I was really struggling with being happy every day and I couldn't understand why. So Tyson asked, "Have you been praying?" Oh, of course, it is such a simple thing but without it my world turns completely topsy turvey and it is so hard for me to be happy at all. So I read Elder Bednar's talk and a few others about praying with real intent, and with faith to act after the prayer. So I really tried to change my perspective and my prayers. It was sad how weird it felt to actually try and talk to and listen to Heavenly Father. It is the same feeling I get when I call someone I haven't talked to in a long time and it is almost awkward, like I don't know what to say because so much as happened that I haven't told them and so much I don't know about them anymore. It wasn't easy, but I tried to really think about what I was saying without getting distracted and to really want what I was praying for and try to think of how I could help to get those things I wanted. For example, our bishop has really been emphasizing missionary work, so I really want to help with that. So I prayed for someone to invite over for dinner that I want to share the gospel with. Then there are other things like people I am worried about, things I need to get done, etc. So especially on Friday I tried to fill my day doing things to help Heavenly Father answer my prayers. I was trying to do my part and act on my faith so that the Lord could bless me with answers to my prayers. (I don't know if any of this is making sense). Well, by Friday night, I was exhausted, and happier than I had been in a long time. I had called people, visited them, actually made a difference in people's lives that day. It was an awesome feeling. The weird thing was that I the next day I wanted to do that all over again, but it seemed like I was just too tired. So we went to the temple, but it was almost like I was too tired to think of nice things to do for people. Who know when you see someone that is sitting up straight and you realize you are slouching? So you try and sit up straight too, but after like a minute your back just kills because you aren't used to using those muscles. So doing the thing that is best for you is harder for you than doing what isn't because you have gotten so used to doing what is bad for you? Well, that is how I felt about doing good for others, it just hurt because I was so tired. But, I still want very much to sit up straight, and I want to do good for others and make my prayers meaningful. So, I am pretty "out of shape" with all these things, but I am going to try.

Conference

I loved Conference. It amazes me that I used to dread it. I would fall asleep whenever I watched it and make faces at all the old men on the TV screen. I even gave up the opportunity to go to Pres. Hinckley's birthday party once, how foolish I was. This year I didn't want it to end. Tyson and I watched The Testaments afterwards because it just felt so good to feel the Spirit so strongly, I didn't want it to go away. I enjoyed all the talks, and even with my first time having a baby to take care of I didn't have to miss a single talk. I feel so blessed to have been born into the LDS faith, I never had to search churches to find the truth, I just had to have faith in what I had always been taught. Faith, that is something that used to come so easily for me. Lately it seems as though I fear everything. I am so worried that something will happen to my little baby, or every kiss and hug with Tyson will be the last. I know this life is so frail and we have no guarentees of how long we will live. But my fear was eating me alive. I couldn't sleep, and I was constantly have emotional breakdowns, and I was being so selfish of Tyson's time. So I have been reading the Conference talks from last August, and Elder Hales talked about the need to receive personal revelation, that we need to pray and have faith. I realized then that my faith was slipping away from me because I did not trust in God enough. "If ye have faith, ye shall not fear" (? I'm pretty sure that is a scripture) and "Fear none of these things which thou shalt suffer..." (Rev 2:10). It was amazing to me when I prayed, how much peace I felt. I do not know what will happen in this life, but I must trust in the Lord. It was such a wonderful feeling, listening to Conference and feeling that incredible feeling of peace that no one else can give but the Lord, and it is all because He loves us.

Easter

So all my life I grew up loving Easter. My parents love to pretend and make every holiday crazy fun. My mom would write all these little notes, weeks before Easter, from the Easter bunny and leave them where we would find them. Then on Easter we would have these huge baskets that my parents would hide around the yard. Each basket was individualized for each of us and it was so much fun. I am so excited for next year and the many years after as Josh grows up and gets siblings and each holiday becomes entirely crazy and fun. I want my kids to have a crazy imagination like I did and have them feel like it is all real and magical. This Easter, although Josh slept through most of it, was really fun. Josh has been really sick lately, and so both Tyson and I were pretty tired from sleepless nights, so we slept as soon as we got home from church until right before dinner. (I am so thankful for crockpots, they cook for me) Then Kenni and her new husband Chris came over. I hid eggs around our apartment and then I sent Kenni, Chris and Tyson on a hunt. It was so fun! We ate dinner and watched Enchanted. It was so funny because KJ called that night and he told me he and his finacee, Courtney, watched "The Lamb of God" and I felt so awful saying "Oh, we watched 'Enchanted'." It was pretty funny. But even with the humor, it really struck me, I have never really focused on Christ much around Easter. So I picked up our Ensign from this month, beautiful by the way, and just started reading. It was reallly neat because all this week I have really been seeing just how amazing Christ's Atonement is. It is something I have always known, but still I seem to find it more and more amazing the more I study it. The peace it brings is unexplainable. I am so thankful for it. I testify that Christ is real, and He did die for us, because He loves us and He wants so much for us to be happy. Being a parent now, I can now feel a part of the love Heavenly Father surely feels for us, and it is amazingly strong. I am so thankful.

P.S.- Thank you Heather for what you said about your Easter experience. I have always been so strengthened by your testimony.

Please Pray

So on Saturday my little sister, Kenni is getting married. It is so weird to me that time goes by so quickly and that she is old enough to get hitched and start her own family. I am starting to feel old. We fly out on Wednesday to Oregon which should be a fun trip with such a little person. :) I am so glad Tyson is going with me though. Lots of things in both of our families are happening and changing, good and bad. Kenni is getting married, KJ I think is getting officially engaged to his girlfriend tomorrow, my grandma just got her endowments out last week, but Yance and his wife are struggling and it breaks my heart. Then there are good and bad things happening in Tyson's family too, but stuff that no one could really understand and it isn't my place to talk about them. But could I ask you all a favor? Would you pray for our families? That would mean a lot to me, they need a lot of prayers right now. I love you guys!