Tuesday, May 14, 2013

This Little Burden of Mine

My friend (who is also pregnant) told me the other day that she is starting to get really excited for the newborn phase.  I quickly said that I wasn't yet.  I hadn't really thought about it.  And seriously, I really haven't.  In my head I have been kind of thinking this pregnancy is a permanent situation.  Don't ask me why.  Maybe it is the sheer fear of having four little boys to take care of all the time.  Or maybe if I think I will always be pregnant, the pregnancy will go by really fast.  I am really good at deceiving myself.  :)

I am really lucky as far as pregnancy goes.  I get pregnant SUPER easy, I don't get too sick and that only lasts a few months, then I just get bigger.  Not much else happens.  Besides the usual everything in the body changes and I am freakishly hungry.  But that isn't really a bad thing, except when it comes time to loose the weight after the baby comes.  I don't have to think about that yet though.  When I was pregnant with little Matthew, I had some nerve pain in my legs that I think were bad at the time, but I don't really remember it.  I really think women forget way too much about what they went through or they wouldn't do it again.  Well this baby is causing some leg pain, but not nerve pain.  My veins are struggling with all the blood pumping through my body, and especially on my left leg, the blood vessels just keep spidering and get really swollen and painful.  I took a few pictures, but they are kind of creepy and gross looking, so I will just let you believe me.  I got an ultrasound on my leg (weird experience), and I don't have any clotting, so that is a huge relief.

At first, I was super whiny and could barely walk, and really, there were times where if I stood up my woman regions felt like they were going to fall out and my leg was going to rupture.  I'm not sure if I am just getting used to the pain, if the baby is easing up a bit on where he is positioned or what, but I can walk, run (skip or trot is really what it is), stand and such without too much of a problem.  Tyson prays for me all the time and so I am certain it is the Lord easing my burdens.

I read this today in The Book of Mormon, and I thought it applied pretty well to my life right now:

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."  -Mosiah 24:14-15

I know my burdens are pretty small to begin with, but I am really grateful that the Lord has taken away a lot of the pain I was feeling so I could be the woman I need to be, especially the mom and wife.  I am so blessed to have the life I do, and although I am afraid to have another baby and am pretty unprepared (especially emotionally) to have another one, I know the Lord will help me.  He always has.  I may think of this baby as a burden, but I'm sure he is much more a blessing than I realize.  I have lots of little blessings in this house.  :)  So now I just need to work on submitting cheerfully and with patience.  We will see how that goes...

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