I am naturally a positive person. I have to be. I am pretty sure I drive people crazy sometimes because they might complain about their life or mention something sad and I just try to flip it to be a good thing. I don't mean to be rude or annoying, I just can't handle negativity. It is too easy to slip into a rut of endless sadness and despair because of a negative thought. Sometimes I disgust myself because I feel like I sound like a cheerful chipmunk. Or if I can't think of a good thing to say, I just keep quiet. (That is the Bambi philosophy, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all") Well, that is unless I am talking to Kenni, my mom or Tyson. That is when I vent and complain about everything. :) I'm working on that.
But still, I try to see the good in things. Our tree fell down, no big deal, our car is okay and it is just great the tree fell the way it did. Our dryer broke, no worries, it just gives me a chance to learn how to fix it. Our car breaks, we replace the whole engine, don't have the car for weeks, no worries, it teaches us to be grateful and hey, I lost 10 pounds from all the walking I had to do.
Lots of little/somewhat big things keep going wrong. It is really wearing down all the optimism and patience I have. This morning, Tyson's sister came up from the basement to use our bathroom because the downstairs one wasn't working. "WHAT!" I thought. And Tyson said "I give up." This is the news of the week and why this last announcement did us in: Well, now we have termites, (yes, termites), we need to buy a new stove for the basement, our car is dying yet again (it just randomly dies, always when I am in the car and not home and with all three kids), we still have to fix the roof on our shed and clean up all the rest of the tree stuff that litters the road (thankfully the main tree trunk is gone now though) AND the toilet in the basement was broken.
How long can we keep going like this? Are we supposed to just keep paying and paying to fix things when we really need to save money and buy food storage and pay off the mortgage? I don't know. It is one of those moments in life where we need to decide/figure out what the Lord wants us to do. Are we supposed to be here? Are we doing something wrong? Or is this just an opportunity to do things differently? Does it motivate us to live a different life than we have been? Because right now, my instincts tell me to curl up in a ball and cry until all the bad stuff stops happening. But the bad stuff doesn't go away on its own and really, what would they make me? Just a huddle of a person.
So, what I need to do is take a deep breath and take care of one problem at a time. Thankfully, the toilet kind of did fix itself, whew. And all the other things, I guess I just need to pick one and deal with it. And really, if these are the problems we have, I would much rather have these than sickness or death or marriage problems. I know my life is great. I just want to know what I should do to make even better and not so spendy. Or at least, if it spendy then at least it is spending money on chocolate. Right? :) So I suppose my next step is to pray, the Lord is the one that knows what I need to do. So why am I waiting to ask Him?