Friday, June 22, 2012
This life is a test, it isn't meant to be perfect or easy. What kind of test would it be if we knew all the answers?
I have been a lot happier lately than usual, at least, trying to be. Life is the same as it always is, the kids are kids, crazy, way beyond what I can control, but they let me think sometimes I can. I am still waiting to hear back from a publisher about my book, I still cook and clean and talk to myself all day, I turn into a dragon (that is what Josh calls me when I get mad), I turn into a human (nice mom), Tyson goes to work, comes home from work, we hang out. We have doctors appointments, dental appointments, play dates, park and library adventures, trips to the store that end with bribery for good behavior. So really, life is normal. But I am happier.
I am fairly certain this is because I am finding my center.
I guess it reminds me of those compasses you use in drafting to draw perfect circles. There is one end that is a fixed point and the other revolves around it. I am trying to make that center the Lord. It is bizarre how quickly I can focus my life on something or someone other than Him. I nigh unto worship Tyson, so it is pretty hard for me to remember to put someone ahead of him. And the three darlings consume so much of my life, I all too quickly revolve around them as well. And where does that lead me? Spiraling into the chaos they create. :) No, they need me to lead them, I shouldn't be chasing after them. And how do I lead them? By having someone to guide me. And I need Tyson beside me, I can't focus everything on him because what kind of pressure that is for him! It isn't fair and he is human (gasp, sometimes I don't believe it myself), so he is not totally a constant himself.
No, the only true constant in this life is the Lord. He is my "ever fixed mark," as 'Sense and Sensability' quotes I think Shakespeare. So it is rather amazing that as I make Him my center, my focus, my guiding light, I find that the spilled milk, the broken air conditioning, the poorly phrased comment seem to either not matter so much or be something I can use to become a stronger and better person and guide for my little midgets.
So here is to focusing on the right center.