Being a mother is the most rewarding occupation in the world. I think it is also the most stressful.
Today I had the opportunity to be watching 5 boys. Well, Josh was at preschool for part of it, so technically Josh and one of the other boys kind of switched places. It is really awesome that I can help other people, and it is really neat that other people trust me with their kids, even if they don't even know me. But being a mom and a babysitter is not an easy job and today I found myself kind of wishing I wasn't. Not that I don't want to be a mom, I LOVE each one of my kids. And Logan, the little guy I watch every day, is like the greatest kid you could ever babysit. So I am really lucky.
But I was outside, freezing, because that was the ONLY thing that made certain children not scream and cry. They were digging in the dirt and chasing each other with sticks and you know...boy things. I see a few of my friends walking by all cutesie in their work out clothes. One mom had two kids, the other had one. And I kind of had one of those "I feel like an animal in a zoo" moments. I was looking over my fence longingly like through the bars of a prison cell. "How I wish I had the freedom to go walking" I thought. I am so blessed and have a double jogging stroller, but if I ever want to use it, two kids are in and two kids are out. No big deal, but there is always fighting because the older kids want in and the younger out and then there is crying and fits and no one is actually going anywhere, so what really is the point in trying?
And all the kids I "own" and watch are 5 and under. Although Tyson doesn't agree, I cannot leave them home alone. :) So that does leave me feeling a little trapped at times. Not that I want my life to be any different. I wouldn't trade what I have, I know I am SUPER blessed because I love what I have. But I think I am in that point in my life where motherhood is kind of overwhelming. Did I space my kids too close? Because next year, Josh will be in kindergarten, but wait, I will have just had a newborn. So really, I have the same amount with me.
I mentioned that to Tys and said like 5 more years and I will be more free and he laughed and said "Yeah, 5 more years and you will still have 2 at home, if not more." Hm. That's a long time. And a lot of kids. Do I really want more than 4? I can't really go back and have less than 4 and I wouldn't want to. But anywhoo, I am just ranting and thinking.
Please don't think I don't love my life. It is just some days my life is a little too close for comfort. But who needs comfort? Comfort just makes you lazy and fat right? :) It is for wimps and I for one may want to be a wimp, but it isn't in my job description. So on to motherhood, the best job in the world.