So I have always loved Easter. I am one of those people that loves every holiday and freaks out and dances in the aisles of the store when they start putting out stuff for the next holiday. Well, this Easter was really weird because I was so excited for it and spent so much time making the dinner, that suddenly, Easter was over and I didn't really even think about the Atonement and I didn't listen in church, I didn't even make an Easter basket for Puggles. It was really weird and I'm really frustrated with myself, because I feel like I wasted a holiday, and a really important one at that.
I was thinking about this today and then I thought of the story of Jesus with Mary and Martha. I don't know if I have ever actually read it before, but I have heard lots of people tell the story, so this is what my imagination has turned it into:
Jesus comes to visit his friends, Mary and Martha (and their family I'm assuming). He sits in the living room and is talking and telling stories to this beautiful Mary. Then Martha, equally as beautiful, comes rushing in, covered in flour and holding a bowl and spoon and asks for Mary's help making this special feast for their special guest. Martha is thinking about how frustrated she is because no one ever helps her and it is really important for the house to be clean and the food to be perfect for this amazing person that has come into their home. However, Jesus tells her to come and sit, to listen to him with Mary, for that is the more important thing.
It may be odd, but all my life, I have kind of pictured myself being more of a Martha. I have often been the one cleaning and cooking, doing the "important" work while everyone else gets to sit around and enjoy themselves (remember, this is how I see myself, it is probably very far from the truth as Tyson is usually the one cooking in our home). I often felt bad for Martha in this story because she doesn't even get credit for all the hard work she is doing. But then yesterday, as I was thinking about my hallow Easter, I realized how very wrong I have been all my life. Yes, cleaning and cooking are important things, and everyone needs to eat and it is nice to be in a clean home. But sometimes, that is not the most important thing. As Tyson said, we could have had a crock pot dinner, or corn dogs and tater tots, and no one would have cared. But there I was, freaking out about making this perfect meal and I missed every opportunity to listen, learn, or even speak about the Savior.
I don't ever want to miss another holiday, or another Sunday. Although, I am sure Martha was a good woman, I think I need to work on being more like Mary. I need to listen when my Savior speaks.
Don't be so hard on yourself!!! Chances are even if you did try to devote the whole holiday to thinking about the Savior, you wouldn't have been able to. You are a mother and a wife and pregnant! When I still adjusting to having ONE baby I was really hard on myself. I felt like the spiritual part of my life was falling part. It was SO hard to find time to study scriptures. Morning prayer was a joke, just because I woke up to a baby crying. I could choose to go and get my baby or let him scream while I prayed. Then there was the awful guilt of not being able to go to the temple the twice or one time a month I used to. No matter what happened either Owen would get sick, our babysitter would cancel... Church was a real struggle. I didn't feel like I got anything out of my meetings because I spent most of the time in the hallway or entertaining Owen. One afternoon I was venting to Jason about it, really upset, worried that I was doing horrible spiritually. He then said this, "Renae, being a Mom is the most spiritual role you can have! You are raising Heavenly Father's children every moment of every day. There is a time and season for all things. Heavenly Father knows if you could go to the temple twice a month you would. He knows that you would study your scriptures for an hour a day if you could. Stop being so hard on yourself!" From that moment on I've tried to look at things in a different light. We tried to teach Owen about the true meaning of Easter during family home evening that lasted all but 2 minutes. We did go to church, even though Owen screamed the whole time because Mommy was conducting the Easter program. But, we made the holiday special in a way he could understand as well. That's where the Easter basket, egg hunt, and chocolate comes in. For now, that's what he understands and that makes Easter special.
ReplyDeleteThings are going to get A LOT tougher when child number two comes along. You think you're falling short now, just wait. Relax! You are one of the most spiritual people I know and it shows on your blog. Remember you were preparing that special dinner to commemorate the resurrection of the Savior. It wasn't just about you!
Okay so this is really long! I just had to put my two cents in! You're great!
I have to agree with Renae and you too. I have often felt like Martha. I really want my house to look a certain way and my food to taste a certain way. But my dad often reminds me "your house will get dirty again, but your kids only grow up once." Okay the truth is he only said that to me once, I remind myself of his quote often. The Savior knows us and loves us imperfections and all. We just need to do the best we can!
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