Oh bedtime. It is the eternal fight. I so look forward to the peace that comes when all the boys are slumbering, the few hours my house can rest and sigh from not being jumped on and thrown pillows at. But I so love being with the boys too, especially when they are cute and happy and having a blast being friends.
I especially love the cuddles that come at bedtime. I know most of the time they are using me. They know that me snuggling with them postpones sleep, just like asking for a drink of water or having to go to the bathroom does. But sometimes that is okay. Most of the time I respond in my worn out, frayed, I just need some time alone way: "no! I am not going to reward you staying up forever by snuggling with you! Just go to sleep!"
But last night, with little Matthew I caved. I always seem to cave with him. That child. After snuggling for a few minutes and he showing no decrease in babbling or wiggling, I got up to leave. He flung his cute little arms around my neck and said,
"No Mama, no go. Stay here ever ever."
me: "You want me to stay here forever and ever?"
M: "Uh huh la." (we still aren't sure where la came from, but to Matthew, it means yes)
And who could refuse such a cute plea? I couldn't, for the first five times. Then it lost it's intense wilting affect, and I left and he still took forever to fall asleep. But still, I like to be told to stay "ever ever." I hope they don't grow out of that ever ever. They may be punks some times, but man I love them.
Do you ever feel like telling moments that? Stay here forever ever? All my kids are looking so big, acting so big. Not all the time, sometimes they act like they are babies again, even the ones that aren't babies. But other times, Josh will be so mature. He will take care of problems so I don't have to. Like today, he helped Matthew off the counter (because of course he had to climb up there and get the raisins "meself"). Or Caleb, who read the title of a book today because I just started at the first page. Of course, reading is no big deal to that kid. And then he gets the cutest little grin that shows his tiny teeth and his blue eyes just sparkle with pride. And Matthew, heavens, he has to do EVERYTHING himself. "Me buckle meself," "me pee meself," "me write it meself," "me sweep it meself." The kid is so intense, and he may not know his colors or shapes, but he can do all kinds of things by himself because he takes pride in being independent. And little Andrew, he is almost one years old. How did a year go by so quickly? He is almost standing by himself and he says "hi da" in the cutest little voice. And today he started giving me kisses. Which really are more like bites, but hey, he is trying to show affection and I will take that over screaming at me for not being held.
And now we are trying to have another kid. Another one? How can our house, our car, our sanity hold another one? I don't know, but I know my heart can. It just keeps growing as these little ones grow. I think I love them the day they are born, but then the next day I feel like the love has only doubled, and the day after that even more. I am sure the days are coming soon where one of them will dislike me for some reason, or not think I am the coolest mom ever. I just hope and pray that I won't have done anything to deserve their disrespect. It is hard not to wish these moments to stay forever ever. But how do we grow if we stay? However, I don't think it is wrong to linger a little on these moments and savor them. Because boy are they rich.