I have a bit of a temper. What mom that is exhausted and works to clean and cook and clean and cook some more doesn't? It has been quite a challenge learning to temper it, haha. But for real, it truly has been quite the task for me. So why my children can possibly forgive me so quickly for my cranky moments, I have no idea. They truly are the closest things to perfect beings. Funny that we have to try to become like we were originally to become perfected isn't? Be like a little child and all that.
Well, I don't think I have been particularly angry lately, but have had my bouts of cranky. I have been trying to look at my children when they talk, really hear what they say. I find it especially difficult because that encourages them to say more, which is wonderful, but also even more exhausting. But I love it, and am learning to love it enough that I don't tell them to stop talking like I did the first few times. It isn't easy trying to be better. :)
Well, anyways, I have been noticing lately that Matthew, my 3 year old, has been kind of attached to me his whole life. I never noticed it because he isn't clingy or demands my attention too much, he is loud, but kind of under the radar. Middle child stuff I guess. But I was looking back on life and realizing just how often he was nearby, not hovering, just nearby. And he would often say things like, "When I grow up, I am going to live with you Mama, because you need me." Stuff like that. Really quite adorable.
Today I was folding clothes and he comes running up and hugs my arm and protectively says, "Mama, don't worry, I'm here."
Me: "Um, thanks Matthew."
M: "Yup, you should never be alone."
Me: "I can be alone Matthew, I'm fine." (I'm thinking, it would be nice to be alone every once in awhile, like when I go to the bathroom for instance)
M: "No, Mama, you are special, you should never be alone."
And then under his breath he berates his older brothers for not doing their duty and leaving my side. So I am not sure where he got the idea that I need their protection...no, I take that back, I do know. Tyson is very good at teaching them that they are to help me and when he isn't around, they have to be men and be like he would be. What a gift to have a father that teaches them so well, and for me to have a husband that cares so much that my little boys know that they are to protect their mother. They are going to make some girls very happy someday.
I wanted to write this down because as little Matthew was gripping my arm today and glancing around like someone might attack me and he had to be ready to save me, I didn't want to forget his little face. Someday he might forget about how much he loves me now, I hope not, but he will become a teenager and tough and probably with those dimples, quite popular. It might be easy to forget about mom. But I want to remember that he never wanted me alone. Maybe so I can remind him and torture him, but also, so I can look back and smile as I think about these days where I am never alone.