Often I have been telling people that I reached the "acceptance" phase of grief. And it is a silly thing to grieve over, not having a girl. I am in no way sad about having another boy though. The other night, I went to go rub little Caleb's head because he is my snuggly touchy feely kid and must have attention from me at bedtime, or usually an hour or two past bedtime. You know how that goes.
Well, I went back to their bedroom (all four of them sleep in the same room, it really works great even if it is insane sometimes) and the three older ones were laying on the floor all in a row, and totally asleep (well, Caleb was too five seconds into the head massage). Andrew was just a few feet away in his crib, probably fell asleep wishing he could have been on the floor too. And I just sat there and stared at them all. All these boys. They are such good friends, all sprawled out like baby tiger brothers. They are my boys and I can't wait to see all five of them fast asleep with these little slumber parties (which consist of playing pirates and yelling and screaming and jumping until I finally yell at them and then 10 seconds later they are all passed out looking perfectly angelic).
So I have really been soaking up my renewed mom happiness. It is funny how you realize you haven't been particularly happy with your life and you think, "What the heck is wrong with me?" and the Lord blesses you with a shift in perspective and you see life through a grateful light. It is a much better way to see the world.
Well, my Joshua is renowned for his curiosity and the massive amounts of questions he asks about EVERYTHING. He really is a carbon copy of his daddy, but with his own special flare. And Caleb, although not in the same way, is also very curios and interested in learning new things. I find them asking me lots and lots of questions lately. Most of them I have no idea how to answer. But I try.
There has been a few families that we know that have gotten divorced in the past year or so, and between that and Josh learning about the ten commandments at church, the topic and marriage and how it falls apart has been a lot on Josh's mind the past week. It makes me happy that Tyson and I are so happy and secure in our marriage that the boys cannot possibly understand the word divorce and why you wouldn't stay married. But it also makes it really hard to explain.
For example, one of our friends just got remarried. I was excited for their happiness and so I mentioned it to the boys how their friend had a new dad. It didn't go over well.
Josh: "Mom, why would they have a new dad? What happened to their old one? I thought he just moved. I don't understand. How do you just get a new dad?"
Josh: "Mom, what's adultery?"
Me: "Uh, where did you hear about that?"
Caleb muttering: "adultery. adult-ery. adulllll-tary."
Josh: "It is one of the commandments. Thou shalt not commit adultery. I figure it is something only adults have to worry about since it is adult-tree. Is it something about adults and trees? Can adults not have trees?"
Me: "Oh no, adultery is just a word, it doesn't have anything to do with trees. It means that you need to always be faithful to your spouse, like your husband or your wife."
Josh: "What does that mean?"
Me: "Faithful? Oh it means....(looking at his face I realize he doesn't really know about sex, so that would freak him out way too much)....it means you only kiss your husband or your wife. Adultery means you kiss someone that isn't your spouse."
Josh looks horrified: "WHY WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT?!"
Caleb (who also looks stunned and shocked, but also a little smug like he would never make that mistake): "When I'm married, I'm never having adultery."
The conversation went on for much longer than that, but that was for sure the highlight. I am so thankful that my boys can't imagine me and Tyson ever wanting anyone other than each other, because I don't ever see that happening either. Not saying we are perfect, but we work really hard at making our marriage great and there is no one in the world as wonderful and nice and patient as my Tyson guy. He really is and becomes even more so every day, my perfect fit. So although it is awkward and I worry I don't always teach the right things, I am thankful that my little ones challenge my knowledge of the universe and the principles that I try to live by.
What a wonderful gift to raise boys.