It is a funny thing being pregnant, it kind of consumes me and everything I do. For most of the pregnancy I have tried to avoid really thinking about it, that way kind of hoping it would go by faster. But then he started moving, and moving a ton. It would freak me out because why is my stomach wigging out? Oh yeah, because there is a parasite growing in there. :)
Then I started running into things and tripping over things because I can't see. The worst was running into the side mirror of the van right in front of the post office, I went flying backwards being bounced from my belly like it was rubber or something. This lady was like "Oh wow, are you okay?" I think I said "Oh yeah, happens all the time." Caleb and Josh just stared at me on the sidewalk. I wonder if they have hit the point where they think I am weird sometimes, I hope not. I hope that doesn't come for a long time. I like being the most amazing person in the world to them.
So yeah, and then today, Josh couldn't fit between me and the wall when I was sitting at the table. He asked me to scoot in, sad news, I really couldn't. It is hard explaining to your kid you no longer can hold him, or set him on your lap, or do a whole lot of things because you are just "too big" in the belly area. Poor little boys of mine.
But they are both really excited for their new brother. Josh asks if the baby is kicking and wants to feel it, which is really cute. They both are so anxious for the baby to come. Josh asked me if my belly button is the button to push to get the baby out. I wish it was that easy. Part of me is really scared to have another kid, I mean, how will I function with even less sleep? How will I handle Josh's endless questions that are sure to come about breastfeeding and where the baby came out and all kinds of other lovely things that he is sure to ask that I never dreamed of.
The other part of me can't wait for the little guy to get out of me. It has been a much more taxing pregnancy than with my other two, part of that is age I am sure. I am not as young as I was and this isn't my first. All kinds of things are stretched and weak that weren't before. Plus, I am not in any kind of good shape, my muscles are weak and that doesn't help. I find myself feeling like there are constant knots in my back and that my hip bones are slowly being rubbed down by the bowling ball that is resting on them. My legs "pop" out of place all the time, at least that is what it feels like. I assume that is just all the loose everything to get ready for the birth, but it isn't pleasant whatever it is.
And yet, I am so lucky. Last night I had a major meltdown, it was bound to happen sooner or later, I am just a meltdown kind of girl. I think most girls are. I cried because I hurt, because I always hurt, it hurts to walk/waddle, even getting dressed is painful. I am so sick of having to pee or peeing whether I want to or not every five minutes or every time I cough or sneeze. It is so annoying. And I hate that I get mad so easy. Usually I tend to get sad, weepy or depressed, not mad. It is a new one for me. I have to constantly tell myself to breath, that no, that person didn't mean to offend me, the doors, drawers, stools, walls, children are not purposely get in my way. I am pretty sure the computer isn't any slower or faster than usual, but jeepers it drives me crazy waiting for what seems like forever. It is worse because Kenni is not here. She was here with both of my other babies when I was this far along. Now she is not here to distract me and make it seem fun. But yeah, so I am crying and cranky and hating that I am crying and cranky. Tyson of course is perfect and just holds me.
That is when I figure I just need to be thankful. I am not on bed rest, the baby is super healthy, I can do pretty much everything I need to, somethings are just a little harder, but not too bad. 5 weeks really is not that far away, as eternal as it seems right now, it really isn't. I have my chocolatiering and my writing and my calling with the young women to keep me busy, not to mention all the blissfully endless housework and my adorable two rascals. Plus we have great air conditioning, so even though it is super hot outside, I rarely notice. How is that for a summer pregnancy? I am so lucky.
So for some reason I really wanted to write about all this. Probably because that is most of what I think about lately, getting huge with child really has been the foremost on my mind lately. And what is a blog but an online journal? So here is to the next five weeks being great ones and me being happy and enjoying it!