Monday, August 10, 2009

Do you ever miss - yourself?

So I am usually a relatively calm individual, well kind of. But this past week I have been super freakishly emotional. I know I am pregnant and all, so this is normal, but wow, there is a lot of hormones in me apparently. So last night, as Tyson starts snoring (kind of), and I am laying there, I can't stop thinking. I start thinking about my parents and how much I miss them, how I want my kids to know them. I start to wonder why I am so protective of them and why I am so clannish. Then I start wondering what I was like before, when I still lived at home. Am I still the same person? I mean, I used to be fun and I laughed a lot and I was crazy. Then I started thinking about how I was when Tyson and I were dating and I realized how much I have changed. The poor guy must feel like he is married to a completely different person now. That is when I started crying, that isn't unusual, just so you know. Then I kept crying and wondering what has become of me? I have become so obsessed with being a mom, I worry that I have lost my identity completely. That is when Tyson woke up and realized I was crying, so he wraps his arms around me and asks me whats wrong. So then I start telling him what I was thinking, and then I started telling him things that I was worried about that I didn't even realize I was worried about. Then I realized the baby is due in 8 weeks, and that is when I started basically freaking out. Tyson was trying to calm me down and trying not to laugh, which made me want to laugh, but then I was crying and laughing and it came out like hysterical screaming. Sometimes, I really feel bad for my husband, he must worry about my sanity levels a lot.

Anyways, I finally calmed down after a few minutes of that. I have the best husband ever. But seriously, it is weird sometimes when I realize how much I have changed since I became a mom. I guess I just get nervous that I will become even more "no fun" when the next one comes. But at the same time, everything is way better in the morning when you have some sleep to calm you down. But can I just tell you that I love Tyson so much? I do, I don't think I could have dreamed up a better best friend.


  1. I can not help but laugh as I read this post, remembering oh too well the emotional rollercoasters of pregnancy.

    I'm right there with you when I think about myself and who I was as a person before marriage and children compared to the person I am now, so serious and not willing to take chances. I know I'm over protective with my kids, but I think I have reason to be.

    I KNOW a good night's sleep helps to calm some of those feelings but others are still there. Once you have the baby and AFTER you adjust to having two kids (which is MUCH harder than one), you'll be fine. Just give yourself time.

    As for being fun with two kids... I really don't know the answer to that one. My second child has had severe health and allergy issues. So it's been a lot tougher and I am far more serious about things than I ever wanted to be. But I'm constantly on food allergy patrol and that takes its toll. I'm guessing you won't have to deal with that stuff though!

    You'll be fine. It just stinks when we finally recognize that we're adults and not kids anymore. I remember that moment all to well. This year in the last month I've discovered my first wrinkle! YUCK!!!

  2. don't worry spam! I'm suppose to be here to help you keep your sanity after babe the second arives. at least i'll try:) i'm glad you have tyson to help you so much. but i know somewhat of how the prego woes go. except mine are 'i wish i had more clothes' you know, completely unreasonable worldly stuff, at least you have a good reason for worrying.

    i almost yelled at a lady in Kroger the other day cause she was being such a punk, the rage just hit me. i hope youre not feeling voilent towards annoying people cause i think i got an issue:) jk. loves

  3. I know exactly how you feel! I love Tyson, too. Lol Just kidding. Haha! No, but I do understand. I've been having those feeling myself. Sometimes I don't even know who I am anymore. The line between "Rebecca" and "Mommy" has blurred and I can't seem to get it back. Maybe that's because the two are one in the same. :) I know I feel like I've sort of lost that "spunk" that I once had. Hopefully we'll get it back. :) And hopefully soon.