Growing Up

When I was a kid, I couldn't wait until the next step in my life. I wanted to date, and then when I could, I wanted a boyfriend, then when I got that, I wanted to get married. Same thing with school, I wanted the next school, not the one I was in. Now I am kind of in that post-graduate phase. I am taking writing classes. I am married, I have a kid. And all the sudden, I don't really want to grow up anymore. Sure it would be nice to be in a bigger home, and it will be fun to have more kids someday if the Lord trusts me with them after this one. :) But seriously, going gray (when sadly is happening already), seeing my husband less and less and having more and more to do, I am excited for it all, but kind of sad. It is like I am at the peak of where I always wanted to be and all the rest, I haven't really planned out and I'm not sure how to take it. It is like all the movies, I am in the "happily ever after" part, but nobody ever talks about that or what to do then.

But the hardest and best thing of all is watching little Josh grow up. I know, he is only 4 1/2 months old, but it alread has gone by so fast. It is fascinating to watch a child grow, it is like looking at a plant everyday and you see it slowly come out of the ground and get little leaves and you can see it grow. I have so much pride when Josh does anything new. But, with ever new phase something adorable is kind of lost, and that is just part of growing up.

When he was born he was adorable, really skinny, red and wrinkly. He was like a little squirrel that could curl up on my chest and sleep. He would smile at random moments and I got to watch him learn how to see and focus on objects, and then move his limbs.

He learned to smile when he was happy. He got chubbier, and he didn't look so much like an old wrinkly man. When he ate he would always stick his toe in my belly button. He was snuggly but liked to look around him and loved everyone.

Now he is so chubby and smiles and giggles. He doesn't ever hold still. He is so precious, as always. He is so long I have a hard time feeding him. He is starting to get teeth. He eats little baby cereal sometimes, and he just started rolling over. He is growing up so fast.

I just know that he will say and think things like "I can't wait till I'm old enough to eat what Mom's eating" or "I can't wait until I can walk around" or "Someday I will be as tall as my Dad someday" or "Someday I am going to go to school." These are all wonderful things and I will love watching him. But there is a certain sadness in the growing.

I'm glad Elder Ballard told mothers to "live in the moments." Because once that moment is gone, I can never get it back. But luckily, if I live in that moment, I can always remember it.