"Do We Ever Answer?"

Tyson is a really funny dad.  He makes our house turn from a pack of puppies to a pack of wolves.  They roll around and push each other and he throws them onto the couches as they giggle and squeal and go running back for more.  But they all know he is the alpha and the boss.  Ok, I am the boss and they all know that, but still.  Anyways, he snuggles with them sometimes and has cute little conversations with them one on one and takes them on outings, it is really cute.  But most of the time he isn't gushy.  You know, emotional, sensitive, that type of thing.

But there is one time of day that he always is.

That is when he tucks them in AFTER they fall asleep.

So tonight, we are pretty sure they are asleep because 1- it is after 9 and 2- it is quiet.  Number 2 makes it far more likely.  Tyson goes in there, walks over to Peter, tells him how cute he is and how much he loves him.  Then to Josh and Andrew, telling both of them what sweet kids they are and how he loves their personalities and all the things they do.  Then he turns around.

And there peering through the slats of his bunk bed are Caleb's little eyes.

Tyson: "Oh man, Caleb, you caught me!"
Caleb: "What do you mean?"
Tyson: "Did you know I talk to you guys every night after you go to sleep?"
Caleb: "Um, no."
Tyson: "Yeah, I tell you guys stories, or I just tell you I love you, or I talk to you about the future and what I hope for you. And I have kept it a secret for nine years and you caught me!"
Caleb: "Well, do we ever answer?"

This made Tyson laugh because of course that would be what he would wonder.  That never occured to me though, or Tyson I don't think.  But according to Tyson, they do sometimes.  One time they even responded something about alligator feet.

That just makes me want to get that app that records what you say in your sleep.  I bet it would be really interesting.  Isn't there an app for that?  I think someone told me there was once.  Anyways, it is really important to talk to your kids, whether they are sleeping or not.  But make sure you tell them you love them all the time, anytime.  Nobody can be told or shown that enough, especially your child.

Never Give Up

My oldest son just ran for the position of Treasurer at school.  I never really understood what my mom meant when she said "It is way harder for me than it is for you," that is until now.  I have been so worried about if he would get votes, if he would win and how he would handle it when he found out.

I was so proud of him, he wanted to run all on his own.  He went and got the paperwork he needed and he picked what he wanted to run for and everything.  It was awesome.  He even made his own advertising.  Seriously, talk about proud mama.

Then he came home yesterday and told me, "You know who won?"
Me: "Did you?"
Him: "No."

I expected tears, frustration, pouting for days.  I was a royal mess on the inside, I hurt so bad for him.  But he just wrinkled his little nose and told me who won and that he was sad and frustrated it was mostly girls elected because that wasn't fair.  I got a laugh out of that one.  White males, the neglected majority for sure.

But he took it like a champ.  And then he said, "next year, I am going to run again, or maybe I will run for Vice President."  And when Tyson got home, they bonded for a few minutes on how it feels to run for something and work hard, and someone else gets elected, and then you get back and try again.  What an amazing example Tyson has set for our boys.  You don't stop trying.

And then today Josh proudly told me he had been selected to be his class representative.  He was really happy and proud, as he should be.  I am so grateful the Lord helps to keep us strong and then rewards us, maybe not in the way we expect, but the blessings surely come.  And I am so thankful for my son's example of not giving up.

That Picture on the Wall

Have you ever had something around you for so long, you kind of forget it exists?  Like you walk by that picture in your house so many times that you don't even know it is there.  But if it goes missing it is like there is a vast hole in your universe, but you aren't even sure why for a minute?  Sometimes I wonder if I get like that about my Tyson.  He is always there, well, technically, he is gone a lot, but his presence is a sure thing.  I know he will come home everyday.  I know he loves me.  I count on him for so much.

But do I really notice him?

So I am sitting here, on the couch opposite from him, and I am looking at him and thinking, "I haven't REALLY looked at him in a long time."  I mean, don't get me wrong, I check the guy out on a regular basis, I hooked a good one.  But I haven't studied him in a long time, really enjoyed who he is, wondered what he is thinking or how he thinks.

I think it is good for us to take a step back every now and again, or every day if we can, and enjoy all the things that surround us.  Enjoy that view out your window, even if it is just of a dirt lot.  Appreciate your flooring, because at least you have a floor and it holds up your feet every day.  But especially take a few minutes to appreciate the people in your life.

I get it, they aren't perfect.  Your coworkers may drive you batty, your roommate may snore, your kid may throw tantrums or constantly stain every article of clothing you own, and your spouse may know your flaws and quirks so well they know just how to get under your skin.  But man, those people are wonderful aren't they?  How empty and off-center your life would be without them.

I would so miss how Tyson talks to himself or teases me for hoarding my candy and/or eating it so quickly no one else can.  I know I am really lucky that I have a husband that endlessly cherishes me and wants to make me happy.

Tyson, don't worry, I don't think you are just some artwork on the walls and I really do notice you.  I just don't stare at you enough and I know I don't appreciate you enough.  So thank you and I love you, crazy amounts.

I would say sorry for the ramblings, but I'm pretty sure you are used to that now.  So I'm not sorry.  I really like my husband, I want the world to know it, and I hope you all take a few extra minutes to think about and be grateful for the people in your life today.

"They did not cease to praise the Lord"

There is a story in the Book of Mormon about a man named Jared and his brother and their families and friends.  Everyone else around them was quite wicked, so the Lord commands them to leave and travel for a long time.  Then they get to the sea and the Lord tells them to build boats...well barges.  They were like really big, hollow, wooden footballs, basically.  They had no way to steer, they just trusted the Lord to get them to the land He promised to take them to.

The Lord also commanded them to take lots of food, water and animals on these boats.  Can you imagine?  You are stuck in a totally enclosed wooden room, tossed all around by the waves?  I'm sure I would throw up.  Like I pretty much guarantee it.  And all those animals, I bet they did too.  At least for sure they pooped.  I know what it is like to be in an enclosed space with a poopy toddler, I can imagine a ton of poopy cows, birds and people.  Gross.  So gross.

Most of the time, they couldn't go get a breath of fresh air.  They couldn't go for a walk to their neighbor's house.  They couldn't go to the grocery store.  There was no local library to give them a reprieve from cabin fever.  Talk about feeling trapped.

And yet, get this, they were happy!  They were constantly praising the Lord, so grateful that He was taking care of them.  That He loved them, saved them from the wicked people, gave them a way to escape and was taking them to an amazing land.  They thanked Him for the little things.

"And they did sing praises unto the Lord; yea, the brother of Jared did sing praises unto the Lord, and he did thank and praise the Lord all the day long; and when the night came, they did not cease to praise the Lord."  -Ether 6:9

For some reason it really hit me today, just how incredible these people were.  I could be like that.  I could.  But I complain about the stupidest things.  "Man, I really wish I could have a milkshake without gaining weight," and "I am so tired of picking up all these toys that so many people have been so kind to give us," and "I wish I didn't have to do the dishes yet again today, even though that means I have been blessed with food to eat, dishes to wash, running water, my own sink, a healthy body that can stand and wash them."  Oh yeah, I could totally be like the people of Jared's time.

We read this story today as a family and I was shocked with the realization of how uneasy that journey must have been.  It lasted for a whole YEAR, did I mention that?  A year!  And how good and gracious they were to God.

I think I have a lot more praising to do, and a lot less complaining.  So I'm praying for help with that tonight.

Click HERE if you want to read the full chapter.  Maybe it will hit you like it hit me.  God is good...all the time.

Cavemen and Swimsuits

It amazes me just how much little people are actually communicating with us without ever using words.  By watching them and listening to them, we really see and understand so much more than we think we will.  I often tend to get distracted with the busy-ness of the day to day and forget about just listening.

My little Peter, who just turned one last month, is very talkative...in a cave man sort of way.  He takes after his big brother Matthew in that department.  There is a lot of grunting and growling and hand motions.  Quite adorable, but I often forget just how intelligent he is.  Just because a person doesn't talk, doesn't mean they aren't smart.  Peter tries to talk to me all the time, nudges and grunting and pulling at my clothes.  SO much pulling on my clothes.  I have to wear tight waisted things or I loose my pants.  For real.  Not that the tight waisted thing is difficult or anything, haha, but that is beside the point.  And I digress.

So Peter, he is in the pull everything out of drawers and cupboards phase of life.  Like, constantly.  I keep reminding myself that this phase really doesn't last long, but all the cleaning up of every piece of tupperware, canned good, cookie sheet, and plastic utensil I own about every hour gets really exhausting after a few weeks, you know?  So him pulling stuff out of drawers, doesn't really raise any red flags for me.

Well, over the past few days, he has been pulling his swim suit out of his dresser and bringing it to me.  Over and over again.  He did it again this afternoon and this is how it went:

Me: (kind of only half paying attention) "Oh Peter, thanks, can you go put that back?"
He grunts and sits and tries to stick his feet in the feet holes.
Me: "You're cute Peter, but you need to go put that back, we aren't go swimming."
The older boys come in, "Oh Peter!  You are so cute!  You want to go swimming?"
He gets a big smile and starts clapping.
"Mom, Peter wants to go swimming!"
Me: (being sarcastic) "Oh yeah, guys, I'm sure that is what he is trying to say."

Then it hits me, he has been bringing me his suit a lot lately. Does he really understand that his suit means swimming?  Does he want to go swimming?  Why wouldn't he?  He loves the pool and literally tries to drink the water the whole time.  The little guy has been trying to talk to me for days and I haven't been listening.

Totally adorable, right?

Life is full of moments of trying to progress and get better.  It is amazing how many times my little ones teach me lessons over and over again.  Let's take a few more moments in the day to try to listen to the people we love and what they are trying to tell us.

"If you think you should do it, just go for it."

Camping is not something that is natural for me to do.  I am not a girly girl, but I am also not a "let's build a fire or jump onto a Harley" kind of girl either.  I am a thoughtful, quirky, smart, sentimental, highly emotional, weird kind of girl.  So when I think of fun things to do, the romanticized version of camping in my head says oh, camping would be fun.  But then the rational, intelligent side says "camping with 5 small children?  Heck no."

However, when those 5 kids are boys and they are dying to go camping and pester you often about it AND you have a husband that loves to go camping and do things outdoors (who also has a romanticized view of camping mind you...especially when it comes to children), you finally cave and say "sure, let's go camping."  I did however have a freak out about the week long thing and said, "two nights man, that is all I can do."

note Peter is asleep in this picture

For the last three days and two nights, that is what we did.  And of course, the 10 person tent we bought so we could have enough room for all these rambuncious kids of ours and the TONS of stuff we had to take to accommodate and feed them, did not show up in time.  You read that right, the tent, it didn't come.  So we have this 4 person tent we got way back when we first got married.  And that is what we took.  Thankfully, we have been blessed with really awesome friends that let us borrow their little tent too.  So we had two little tents.

I tried really hard not to think too much about it.  Two tents?  I was going to let my little kids sleep in a separate tent than me?  But if I started thinking about it, then my mind would go wild with imaginings of evil people creeping through the woods and stealing my children who slept totally unguarded in their own tent.  Does your mind wander like that?  Well, mine does.  So I had to constantly shut that off.  Not to mention I just knew I would have to unzip my tent, climb over to their tent and help them over and over again all night long, because all us moms know that is just how it is going to play out, right?  Your children will suddenly not know how to go pee by themselves or unzip a tent or even sleep by themselves.  I just knew it was going to be such a horrible experience.  But I thought, whatever, I love my handsome hubby so much, and he puts up with all kinds of crap for me.  So we are going to do this and we are going to be happy and he will not know that I am dreading beyond dreading this.  I had to stay positive if it killed me.  I didn't want to ruin everything. If you think happy thoughts, happy moments will come right?

So we got to the campground in our very tightly packed car.  Like you open the door and sleeping bags puff out and camping chairs go rolling to the dirt, kind of packed.  It was awesome.  Oh and almost before we get there we pass by a few acres that have been logged, so there are just stumps of trees everywhere.  Josh and Caleb were like "Whoa!  This is crazy!  Do you see this?"  I think they knew it had been logged, but then in a bizarre moment of silence so Tyson and I actually heard this, Matthew whispers quietly and in awe "Beavers..."

And Peter woke up for this selfie...you can tell Tyson and I thought it was pretty funny

I don't know if those are moments that you just have to be there for, or have to hear his adorable little voice, but man, Tyson and I were DYING.  And still three days later all I have to say is "beavers" and we just start cracking up again.

Ok.  So camping.  We stayed at an awesome place called Twin Lakes State Park.  I guess the place used to have segregated camping, one lake for whites and the other lake for colored.  But when they wanted to get rid of that, they made one lake into a conference center place with quiet boating and the other lake for swimming and camping.  It brings everyone together.  I like that kind of history.  People should be together, having fun together.  And the lake was amazing!  There was these neat floating toys and the lake was pretty shallow so even Peter could walk out a little ways and play with the toys.  Seriously, it was so much fun.  It was fun to play in the sand and build castles and bury little Peter's toes.  He didn't like that so much though.  He just wanted to eat every grain of sand he could.  Believe me, the poor kid has had some pretty...shall we say exfoliating?  Maybe abrasive is a better term, poopy diapers for the last day or so.  It is so sad.  I guess you learn young you have to be careful what you eat.

Andrew loved the water.  I swear that little thing was meant to be a fish.  He had no fears walking out until it was up to his neck.  I had to watch him like a hawk.  He wasn't interested in having floaties, he just wanted to be one with the water.  It is was adorable.  That's what I need to do when he is having a rough day, just put him in the bath tub with an inch of water and some rubber duckies.  He is so happy in the water, maybe it will save both our sanity's.

Matthew loved to watch people play, especially if they were jumping in the water.  He is my adventurous little being.  You can see it in his eyes, he wants to do brave and scary things.  He is however very white, and be is I mean was.  Now he is very red.  I did put sunscreen on him I swear.

Caleb had floaties on the whole time and swam like mad.  And by swim I mean puppy dog paddled and what he calls "bobbing."  It was so stinking cute.  He had goggles plastered on his forehead and one strap was loose and flapping up and down and reminded me of a bug with an antennae.  But he was all over the lake, I am so proud of him for being so daring.

Joshua is getting so tall and so much like a teenager.  He would run and splash in the water and jump all over the toys.  He would help Peter and Andrew all the time.  He made quite the intense sand castle and both he and Caleb were obsessed with the Loch Ness monster (Tyson introduced them to the story of the creature) and so sure this lake had a monster too.

I know this is a lot of information to read, especially after so little blogging for so long.  But Tyson and I had a long talk about all the things we want to do, and I so need to be writing more.  So even if I get distracted yet again and don't write often, at least I will write about this trip.  If you don't want to read all this, don't feel bad, I totally understand.  It is mostly just for me and Tyson to remember and the boys to laugh about later.

Okay, so swimming was really fun.  We went on a really simple hike around the lake too.  It was extremely beautiful and we even saw tiny little frogs and lots of poison ivy (Tyson was teaching me about how to spot it).  They have made the trail system really nice.  There were little boardwalks and bridges.  Seriously, it was great.

I am so grateful Tyson built all the fires.  Having a pyromaniac for a husband is such a blessing.  My one match fire skills from girls camp would probably make us starve.  I did however provide delicious tin foil dinners the first night and a yummy mountain man breakfast the next morning.  I have a few skills that come in handy.  Basically what I did the rest of the time was wrangle Peter and keep him away from the fire, away from the woods, away from the hundreds of rocks he put in his mouth, away from any food, cups, soda bottles, roasting sticks, etc, etc, within his reach that were on the table.  It was beyond exhausting.  I did try to keep him in the pack n play which kind of worked, but he screamed.  I tried the hiking backpack, he was ok as long as he liked the food I gave him, until he fell over.  That wasn't so good.  I tried to hold him but of course he wanted to be held for about 10 seconds and then he would wiggle and squirm until I set him down again.  Seriously, I am so tired just from following that kid around.  He did however LOVE to hit this metal pole with a stick over and over again.  Thank heavens for easy entertainment right?  Oh and did I mention he didn't nap there?  He just screamed.  And since we were in a campground with other campers, screaming really isn't an option.  So yeah, no napping.  Except for the hike where he fell asleep for about half an hour.  And other 10 minute cat naps.  Yeah he was real fun.

Oh and that first night, he slept with us.  Thank the wonderful people that created air mattresses, and for Tyson for bringing it.  I would have died without it.  So Peter slept with Tyson and I.  I say slept loosely because (and I kid you not) from about midnight to 4:30am the first night Peter rolled around between us, hitting our faces, sitting on our heads, sticking his feet on our face, snowplowing our bodies.  Seriously, it was crazy.  How do you people out there co-sleep?  I just can't fathom doing such a thing.  But maybe other people have normal humans for children that sleep.  But it actually was really cute too.  I mean, Tyson and I were wasted, don't get me wrong.  But how do you get mad at a little person when they are quiet and just rolling around being so cute and pudgy?  It was kind of wonderful in a horribly exhausting way.  I think I might actually miss it a little bit.

The older three boys slept awesome in their own little tent.  They didn't tell us until we were packing up there were a few "accidents" during the night.  How they could possibly have any more pee in them, I don't know.  They peed like 700 times each day.  I kid. you. not.  And it wasn't like it was a little bit of pee.  It was TONS every time!  Sorry, but seriously, how did they do it?

Oh, and on other gross topics, I was on my period too.  Maybe that is too much information for you, but you just have to understand, this camping thing was not for the faint of heart.  However, I recognize the Lord's infinite goodness and mercy for me at the same time and at least the rougher part of that time for me was already over.  So really I am very lucky.

Okay, what other information can I share with you that I am sure you are dying to know about this trip?  Oh that's right, yesterday evening, we walk over to the office of the campground to buy some ice because ours has melted and milk needs to be kept cold you know.  So we are leaving and the park ranger says, "Oh, if the storm gets bad tonight, just head to the bathrooms."  I instantly think, that makes sense, they are permanent fixtures and will keep us dry.  Wait a second, storm?!  Are you kidding me?!"

So we get back, have hot dogs, s'mores, start packing stuff up and getting the kids ready for bed.  And then we hear it, the thunder that rolls and shakes your insides it is so deep.  So we pack up everything into the car and then hunker down in our separate tents.  Yes, I was freaking out about my three little guys in their own tent during a thunderstorm.  But there was no way we were all going to fit in our 4 person tent that had a pack n play and an air mattress in it.  There was no room.  So I thought.

The rain starts and it wasn't so bad at first.  The thunder and lightning were insane though.  The whole sky would light up and then an ear splitting crack would follow with the rumble that would just keep going.  Thankfully our kids aren't scared of storms, they love them.  Tyson yelled over to them "the angels are bowling in Heaven!" and they loved that even more.  Especially Andrew.  He kept telling us Heaven loves us to let us hear it.  Cuteness.

But then the rain started to really come down.  And if anyone has gone camping in the rain and not had it leak, I don't know how you did because tents don't really seem water proof fully, no matter what they advertise.  The tent the boys were in for sure wasn't because they suddenly start yelling, "everything is wet, there is water everywhere!"  So Tyson jumps out to pull the kids over to our tent and I fold up the pack n play, and getting everything out of the tent that we absolutely don't need.  Tyson and I make a pretty amazing team because without even saying anything, he is carting that stuff to the car while at the same time moving the kids and their stuff to our tent.  I am drying them off and getting them in and situated.

Not the perfect situation.  7 people crammed in that tent, it was tight.  But the wind wasn't really blowing which made the humidity insane, but hardly any water got in our tent because of it.  And the storm hit when we had had warning and it wasn't in the middle of the night.  Seriously, so many tender mercies.  I'm pretty glad the storm came.  We all got to sleep together, we eat trail mix and m&ms, I told them a bedtime story (something I never do) about a badger named Matthew that went on an adventure to find a special healing berry and met some friends along the way (a hyper squirrel named Andrew, a cool toad named Peter, a bossy bunny named Josh, and a high-pitched chickadee named Caleb).  And bizarrely enough it was the best night's sleep I have had in a long time.

I am not saying camping with little kids is amazing and I'm not really recommending it.  But we had a great time, we made a lot of fun memories.  We lost our tempers several times and I almost packed up and drove everyone home at least once.  But we laughed a lot and had a lot of good talks.  We ate good food and we ate a lot of junk.  We also tried the avalanche challenge (16 scoops of ice cream, 1 cup of candy, 1 cup of chocolate syrup, a half gallon of whip cream and 12 cherries) as a family.  We made a pretty good dent, but man we were sick of ice cream.

I had a friend (okay, she has no clue who I am, but she is a role model for me: Emily @thefreckledfox) post on her instagram a few months ago, "If you think you should, just go for it."  I think that is a pretty good motto.  Life can totally change in a minute and you don't want to look back and regret the things you didn't do.  So I am glad we went camping, I am glad we spent time together as a family.  And I am posting this insanely large post so I don't forget about all the fun we had.  And so I remind myself to keep doing things I feel I should do.  Maybe you will too.

I'm Going to Cut You Off!

Have you ever gotten addicted to a show without intending to?  Well, that happens to me, not all the time, but often enough.  It is really fun when you get addicted with a friend or family member because then you get to bond with that person or people.  That is what has been happening here at our house.

Our summer routine has been actually really nice thus far.  We do our chores (I finally enlisted the boys to have daily chores, like 7 each, it is SO nice), hang out, read, then watch Heartland.  I know, it is kind of a cheesy, dramatic show, but we really like it.  Especially because of the horses.  Riding and showing horses is in my blood. I have never done much riding except when I was little, but some things just make your heart beat extra fast, you know?  Horses do that for me.  Apparently for the boys too.

So anyways, we were watching a show this morning and this teenage daughter is having a fight with her mom and threatens to move out.  The mom says, "If you move out, be prepared to be cut off.  No allowance.  No credit cards."

Little Andrew looks up at me with the most horrified and sad look in his eyes.

"Mama, that mom going to cut her up!"

I just about died.  Poor little thing.  When you are two and learning how to speak, phrases like being cut off only translate literally.  

Speaking of Heartland, it is time to go watch another.  :)

Two Eyes

Do you ever feel like your kid's voice is just a hum in the background? 

Sometimes I get like that.  They talk a lot and sometimes...okay, a lot of times I don't really listen.  And a lot of times I don't really look at them.  I get sucked into my own bubble and what I need to do and their worlds are just their own bubble, sometimes colliding into mine to get me to do something for them and then we all continue on. 

This morning I was watching little Andrew eat his cereal.  He is two and still learning how to hold a spoon and getting everything in his mouth without spilling.  It was the cutest thing, watching him take a bite with his mouth opening as wide as it possibly could to get the spoon and the contents in.  And after every bite he would look down at his chair to see everything he spilled and wipe it away with his little chubby hand.

I just sat there staring at him realizing how many mornings I could have watched him do this.  But I was too busy being angry for having to be awake, or packing lunches, or changing diapers, or signing homework, or doing dishes.  Not that any of those things are bad and they are totally necessary (okay, not the being angry one, but everything else), but why not take a few seconds to notice the kids that I am doing all this work for?

So on that note, I heard a little conversation clip from Matthew (the four year old) the other day.  You might enjoy it too.  And to help explain a little, since I have gotten glasses a few weeks ago, someone teasingly called me four eyes (or maybe I called myself that, I can't even remember), but I had to then explain to my boys that four eyes is not a nice name and not to call people that.

Okay, so Matthew had two little toys and they were talking.  

"Hey, what are you doing?!"

"Just walkin around, you know."

"Well, you should stop."

"No, I don't want to."

"Come back here!  Hey!  TWO EYES! Come back!"

Me: "Hey Matthew?  What are you playing?"

Matthew: "Oh, I'm just playing with these guys."

Me: "Well, why did one of them call the other one two eyes?"

Matthew: "Oh because you told us not to call people four eyes.  So since he has two eyes, and not glasses, I am calling him two eyes.  Is that a bad word?"

Me: "Uh, I guess not."

I don't know.  What do you think?  Is 'two eyes' mean?

Okay, go enjoy a kid conversation today.

Family

Two nights ago, we were brushing and flossing, cleaning and putting on pajamas, you know the little kid getting ready for bed drill.  It is exhausting and sometimes monotonous.  It is adorable and memorable.

I was cleaning up toys and sorting them into their correct bins.  In the back of my mind I can hear my husband telling the baby good job about something.  I turn just in time to see him (the almost 11 month old) standing and take his first 3 or 4 steps on his own.

We all started yelling and clapping.  What a success!  How awesome!  And how perfect we all got to see it!  I am so thankful I turned just in time to see it.  I love the firsts.  I love to see my little ones succeed. Even if it is just for five seconds and then they fall down.  They are trying.  And I hope they will get back up and try again.

And it doesn't matter that this is my fifth kid.  That I have seen them all take their first steps.  It isn't boring.  It is still wonderful.  It is still something to rejoice about and celebrate.  That is what family is.  You rejoice with each other.  You encourage each other.  You mourn with each other.  You hold each other.  Even if they are learning slow or if you wish you could do what they are doing.  You are happy for them.  You lift them and they lift you.

If we all try to be a better family, how much more happy this world would be.

(any typos and errors are due to two children climbing in and out of my lap, so I apologize for that.  I just figure they want their say.)

Fox Protection

When your kid gets home from school, do they actually tell you what happened while they were there?  My two older boys are the kind of boys that give answers like, "nothing," and "not much."  Until later, like bedtime when they keep coming and telling me everything in intricate detail because they want an excuse to stay up.

But this story isn't about them.

My third boy is a story teller.  He talks A LOT.  So when he has stuff to say, which is almost always, you better listen, because he also will repeat it until you respond.  To make things even more interesting, he also has the stinking cutest little voice and struggles with annonciating r's, th's, sh's, you know, so everything he says needs a translator.  It is adorable.

He got back from preschool today and had a paper gray circle folded in half and inside was a pipe cleaner twisted like a bracelet.  We asked him what it was for and he said it was a treasure hidden in a trap that was so strong nothing could break into it.  At least, we are pretty sure that is what he was telling us (me and my husband).

If only you could be here to hear our conversations.  He blue eyes get huge and his little hands flail and dance around like he is part Italian.  And the dimples when he smiles, seriously, just try to picture it.

"Matthew, but what kind of animal would want a pipe cleaner?"
M: "A fogs"
"Frogs?"
M: "NO! A FOGX"
"A fox?"
M: "Yeah"
"I didn't know fox liked to eat pipe cleaner."
M: "Yup, they do."
"Oh, interesting. But can't the fox use his teeth and break the trap open?"
M: "No, nuffin can get into it.  It is da stwongest fing in da wowd."
"Nothing?  Not even a knife can cut it open?"
M: "No, weally, nuffin.  Nuffin can do it."  (dramatic pause) "Nuffin.  Nuffin."

So there you go, if you want to keep something safe from a fox, put it in a folded piece of paper.  Because you know those fox, they will come steal all your pipe cleaner, so watch out.

Greatest Gift

I have heard that the best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse.  And let me tell you, I sure love my boys' Daddy. I am super lucky, because he loves me too.  You know how I know?  My boys love me and treat me really well, because their daddy taught them how.

Today all the boys are home from school because of "inclement weather."  What does that even mean anyway?  I just know it means things close.  Anyways, we had a readathon today to keep the boys busy at least for a little while and then I could read in semi-peace, at least during nap time for the two younger ones.  The dream for a mom.  Peace.

Ok, ok, so I am reading this book called "The Christmas Train," and so far I am loving it.  So this character in the story is talking about how even good men don't think to keep their woman's feet warm.  And I think, well, I am super lucky, because Tyson almost always sits in a way to keep my feet warm.  No joke, right then, Josh comes over and asks "are your feet cold?" and grabs me a blanket and covers my feet.  It was the cutest thing.

And then he says, "Mom, so at school, a few weeks ago my teacher asked all of us what the best gift is that you ever got.  Most of the kids were talking about their toys and stuff but I said, 'my mom."

Yup, I pretty much cried and had it confirmed, these are the moments I do not want to forget.  I am so glad he looks past my cranky moments and all the times I make him do chores and run laps around the house and help take care of his little brothers.  Kids truly are amazing.  We need to learn to be more like them.  When you focus on moments like this, life is really good.

God Only Knows

Each of my children seem to be growing taller and more capable every time I blink my eyes.  It is a little terrifying and yet incredible to witness.  My demanding, often bossy little two year old will play outside by himself now and even stay inside the fence and keep the rules.  I didn't know if that would ever happen.  My adorable little six month old got onto his hands and knees yesterday and started rocking back and forth.  I suspect he will be crawling in the next few days.  He got shots today and didn't even cry.  He whimpered and then stopped.  I am pretty sure he is far tougher than I am already.  These boys will truly do amazing things in their little lifetimes.  I know that because they already have.

My four year old, Matthew, is a bundle of energy.  And by energy I mean like a typhoon ready to take you down.  Literally.  His goal is to see how many people he can tackle every day.  It is exhausting trying to keep his energy at a less than boiling temperature.  You are only safe from him when he is sleeping.  He really wanted to go to preschool this year.  A real preschool, like his big brother went to last year.  Even though it costs quite a bit of money, we were planning on it.  But something kept bugging me about it.  I felt like he shouldn't, he needed more time at home.  So we found a co-op group of moms that were doing a preschool together and so that is what we have been doing for little Matthew.  He is only gone a few hours a week and I am really grateful.  It is nice to have him be the big kid at home most of the time and to get a few more hours with him than I would have otherwise.

I was thinking about this today as I watched him color at the table.  He would have been at school during that time if he went to the "real" preschool.  But instead, I got to watch him dance around as he picked up crayons from around him, perch them by his lips as he studied the paper, and then stick his tongue out in concentration as he made a few marks on his picture.  Then the process was repeated.  I could tell he had a vision of what he wanted to create.  I could also tell he had some song or beat going on in his head as he moved around to the rhythm I couldn't hear.  And I was so thankful.  Maybe the Lord had lots of reasoning to keep Matthew home more.  I'm sure there were lots of little things, and maybe many more that I have yet to discover, if I ever will.  But if it was just so I could see this one moment and realize that Matthew has a passion for coloring that I hadn't noticed before and that he is growing up so much that his coloring actually looks like something and not just scribbles and shapes.  I needed that moment watching my little buddy.

Life changes people so quickly, especially our little people.  The Lord knows that.  He also knows just what we need, what we don't need, what we will want and how to give us that.  I am so thankful that He is a God that is involved in our lives.  He lets us make our own choices.  And He is ready to tell us how to make the right choices that will make us happy, if we will just listen.  I am so thankful for His presence in my life and for giving me the glimpses and moments that make me remember my purpose here.  Try to recognize something in your life today that only the Lord knew you would need...and be grateful for it.

Boys and Boogers

Boys can be very gross.  They toot (I hate the word fart for some reason), they burp, they pee anywhere and everywhere just because they can, they think every weird joke is insanely hilarious.  Like this one Josh told us the other day:

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

Because it got stuck in a crack.

I know, I know, I almost shot water out my nose because I was trying to keep from laughing.  That didn't help, it only made me and all the boys laugh harder.  It is not easy trying to teach boys what is and isn't appropriate, when sometimes not very classy things, are downright hilarious.

Another thing boys have a fascination with is boogers.  I HATE boogers.  Like I have a psycho phobia of them.  I know I have boogers.  Everyone does.  But they can be taken care of discretely.  I do understand to some level how they are cool.  Especially when little babies get them and they almost completely block their nasal cavity they are so big.  It is kind of rewarding to finally unlodge it.  I guess I can in some way see that appeal.

But once it is out, throw it away, don't look at it, don't flick it, and do NOT eat it.

Well, you can imagine how unheeded that directive goes in my house.  But at least I am not the only one that suffers.  My sister has been coming over a lot lately.  I still can't quite understand why she wants to.  She comes here to sleep and relax of all places.  How she can and chooses to sleep in a war zone of toddlers, I will never understand.

Anyways, she was over today and Matthew climbs up next to her to snuggle.  She glances over at him and this is kind of the way things went down from there:
-Oh gross, Matthew, don't pick your nose.
Silence.
-Matthew, seriously, don't do that.  Why don't you go get a tissue?
-I don't need one.
-Oh no way, that is such a huge booger, go get a tissue---no, no, don't eat it!
Munching and smacking.
-That is disgusting.
About 30 seconds goes by.
-How are you still chewing it?
Matthew gives a charming dimpled smile only Matthew can give and then you hear a gulp.
-I always eat my boogers. They are so tasty.
-Well, that's gross.  Don't think about giving me kisses anytime soon.
Matthew seems completely undaunted and quite pleased with himself with a smirk and smacks his lips.  I just sat on the opposite couch trying not to think about it and enjoying the fact that he had another girl to torture for the moment.

I am really grateful the Lord gave me boys, but man, they sure can be disgustingly adorable.

Watch Out Pacifists

Boys are crazy, especially when they get with older boys (ahem, certain uncles) that are crazy too. My Matthew is for sure the craziest of them all, so when he gets together with Uncle Ammon, major rough housing ensues.
Matthew: "Let's have a pillow fight."
Ammon: "I can't, I'm a pacifist. "
Matthew: "That's ok, pacifists are easy to kill!"

Words of wisdom from a four year old. So take a stand. :)

I wrote Mom!

Raising a child is far from easy, but there really are moments where you think, yup, totally worth it.  I had one of those moments on Sunday.  A lot of my family and friends were sitting on couches in our basement with my little family, watching the LDS General Conference broadcast.  My husband and I have always taken notes of spiritual impressions we have received.  Over the years our boys have pulled out their journals to draw pictures and our oldest began taking notes this year too. It is really sweet and I am thankful that at least in one thing they follow my example and it is a good thing. Haha

So I look over at my little Matthew, who has stolen my journal so he can "write" things. Mostly it is practicing the letter m. Totally fine. Then all the sudden he says "Mama, look, I wrote mom! Just like in my lessons, I remember this word, mom, that's you!"

I cried.

The first word he wrote, that I know of, is mom.

Of course then he proceeded to fill the page with lots of mom's and moos and Matthew's (thanks to my awesome mom sitting on the other side of him teaching him how to write his name).  

I am so thankful that I got to learn from my amazing mom. That she taught me to read and write and was endlessly patient with me showing off those skills, even with permanent marker on her beautifully expensive dresser. She taught me to be a mom that cares about the important things. Thank heavens we have mothers. 

And I am so thankful I am Mom to five amazing little creatures.

Changing Habits

I love sleep.  All day long I look forward to the feel of the smooth sheet and the comforting blanket on top of me and the pillow under my head.  And the quiet, oh, I long for the quiet.  And the time to recharge.  What a wonderful time of the day.

But once those little kids finally drift into dream world, it is like my energy spikes.  That is when it is time to party!  I don't want to sleep, because as soon as I sleep, it will feel like just seconds and then another day is upon me.  I love my little boys and love being with them, but it is nice to have those few hours of when they are slumbering.

It is a problem though, because I stay up later and later and then the next day I am exhausted and cranky.  Which makes me a not so nice mom, and the kids get more on my nerves.  So then I can't wait for them to go to sleep and then I stay up to enjoy it.  Thus leading to an endless cycle of not very happy home and exhausted mama.

Plus, my hubby has a really hard time getting out of bed in the mornings since his work out buddies have moved and there is no one he has to get out of bed for.  So he feels cranky without that time in the morning too.

It finally hit me yesterday that this has got to change and I need to be the one to change it.  I can't just expect it to get better without me doing anything about it.  So I am changing my habits.  And this is not something easy to do...and since I am not being very coherent, you can tell it is going to take a few days for my body to adjust.

I am waking up early.  That way, my handsome man has a reason to get out of bed.  And I get some alone time and a early start on the day.  And hopefully this makes me feel like going to bed earlier tonight.  I REALLY hope so.  It is funny, the boys aren't awake yet and I have already accomplished a ton of the things that usually take me a few hours to accomplish every morning.  Plus, Tyson and I have already had a little bit of time to talk, which we hardly ever do, so this may work out great.  I am really hoping.  :)

So really, why I am writing, is to say that people can change.  We are creatures of habit and it is for sure difficult to change the way we have always been.  For me changing from a night owl to an early bird will not be without repercussions I am sure.  However, it is still dark out, I can still hear the crickets, so it is kind of like it is nighttime anyways.  Except bonus, I feel like accomplishing things instead of munching.  So wow, win win.

You feel like there is something in your life you want to change?  Go for it.  You can do it.  If I can wake up before dawn, anything is possible.  :)

Thank You for My Eardrums

“I just want to poke my ear drums out with a pencil,” is what I tempted to post on Facebook yesterday.  It had been one of those days, after many days building up on me, of vacuuming and then as soon as I roll up the cord and put it away, I have a toddler sprinkle cracker crumbs as he jumps around on the floor to the unknown drummer in his head.  It was the millionth time of stepping in a gunky chewed up and spit out banana piece and trying not to be too grossed out as it oozes between my toes.  

It was the “Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy”

“What!?”

“Watch this!” as he proceeds to chew his food. 

Why do I have to watch him chew his food?  

And then as soon as I glance away to clean up a spitting up baby, or help with a math question, the “mommy, mommy, mommy,” chanting continues.  

It was the little meltdowns and battles that seem so petty to me.  It was the phone calls and visits from other people wanting me to listen and decide things for them when I just want to tell them the truth about what a jerk they are, but instead just smile and hold it in because how will my outburst help them really? 

It was pulling stuff out of fridge to make dinner amidst chaos and realizing I forgot to buy a main ingredient, so instead I make something that of course certain children think is disgusting and they never in their life could handle putting even a drop of it to their lips.

It was one of those days.

So, just before I posted that thought about eardrum pencil piercing, a thought flitted across my mind: “How sad it would be to not be able to hear.”

I was stunned.

I thought about all the things I would miss out on if I couldn’t hear.  The crickets chirping in the summer evenings, the whoosh of the diesel engine of the school bus pulling up telling me my buddies are home, the click of the door opening when my hunk gets home from work, the sizzle of frying butter, the giggle of kids getting tickled, and yes, even the incessant “Mommy, mommy, mommy.”

I am so lucky I can hear.

And I am so lucky to be picking up food off the floor all day long, because it means we have food.

And I am so lucky to have carpet all over the house, even though it is hard to clean, because having a carpet means I have a house, which means when it rains, I stay dry and when it is really hot outside, I stay cool.

And that really annoying washing machine that gets unbalanced every other load and shakes and thumps across the basement floor, leaking water if I don’t sprint to catch and stop it, well, I am really lucky to have that.  It means I have a way to clean my clothes.  In my house.  Without having to do it by hand.  And that I have clothes.  Lots of clothes.

And that tiny bathroom in our house where I slam my hip into the doorknob at least once a day, well, that means we have indoor plumbing and the privacy of a door that locks.  Also, I get the excuse to squeeze around my hubby when we brush our teeth and act like I don’t mean to invade his space. J

And those little kids that stress me out and make me feel completely crazy and tired and stressed and like taking a pencil to my eardrums.  I am really lucky to have them.  Because how lonely I would be without them.  I can have children.  As many as I want.

And I am doubly lucky because I get to stay home all day with them.

Not only that, they want to talk to me.  They want me to watch them.  That feel important when I look at them.  

They love me.

They love me.

Last night I became conscious of the fact that my greatest trials (and I recognize that they are really so trivial and “petty” to others), they are my greatest blessings. 

You can bet that this is about how my prayers went last night,

“Thank you Father, for carpet, for eardrums that work, for tiny bathrooms, my clothes and the ability to clean them, for messy little fingers and a house that looks like a hurricane just went through it no matter how hard I try, and thank you for the people I love most.  Thank you for giving me the life I always wanted.  And thank you for putting up with me complaining about it all the time.  Thank you for being eternally patient.  Please, help me be more like you.”

Girls Say Ew and Boys Say Cool

About a year ago I started babysitting two little boys, and then occasionally I would babysit their two older sisters if school got out early or something like that.  Although I am female, very little of my life is spent with other women, and like never with little girls.  So it has been a HUGE learning experience for me.

It also has been a huge learning experience for my boys.  However, they learn differently than me.

What I learn:
-girls are actually very dramatic, people weren't kidding about that
-girls are REALLY bossy and overboard motherly
-they are really picky about smells
-don't leave babies near them unless you want them to be carried by people that aren't big enough.  It doesn't matter the age, girls love babies.
-girls will give you an update of everyone in the whole house every few minutes, so it means you have to check less on the kids
-they care when babies cry, they will bring you the baby to get it to stop crying.  Boys are doers, they plug the pacifier back in and then ignore it.

What my boys learn:
-girls don't like smelly things, so make sure you make the house stink
-don't try to be bossy with girls, it won't work
-they are almost positive about this one: girls love to be bugged
Ways to bug girls: poke them, take their toys, make annoying sounds, stare at them, try to read their diaries, and eat weird food

Yes, babysitting has been very interesting as of late.  I love all the kids I watch and I just adore these little girls.  They make me laugh like crazy.  They are just really different in some ways than what I am used to.

One of the ways my boys torture the girls is by eating their food in gross ways.  And since they can only eat what I give them, they blend them to make...interesting concoctions.  It all started one day when Matthew ate a peanut butter cracker with a raisin on top.  One of the girls said, "Ew, that's gross."  Totally benign in my opinion, but hey, she was probably just trying to bug Matthew.

So then Matthew says, "Girls say ew, but boys say cool."

And so it began.  Now they do the grossest things.  Like eating bananas dipped in ketchup.  Yup, they did that.  I can't think of the other combos right now, but they have been pretty interesting.  So I had to take a picture of Andrew dunking his banana in ketchup...and loving it.  Boys really are weird.  But man, I love them.

Dinner: Mother Tested, Children Approved

I LOVE food.  Like we have one heck of an intense relationship.  Everyone who loves me knows that all I really want for gifts or presents or special moments, I need food.  I don't know what it is, but it is an obsession.  We are working on that, so it simmers to a strong like rather than a NEED every second of every day.

One of those steps is eating healthier.  It is amazing how just one healthy meal can change so much of what you feel.  I don't feel as hungry or cranky, I feel lighter and better about myself.  I am still working on that huge sugar craving right after the meal, but I keep telling myself, the craving is like a mosquito bite.  If I ignore it long enough, I won't notice it is there.  Then maybe I can get to the point where I actually enjoy the treats I eat, rather than shoveling them down to my gut and then not even being able to recall the taste.  It is so sad.

So yeah, but eating healthy meals while having 5 fairly picky kids (they actually are pretty good, but it isn't easy pleasing all of them at every meal).  Tyson is very supportive, but he is a lot like me and would much rather be eating pizza or popcorn.

However, last night we had an AWESOME  meal.  Like for real.  It was stuffed full of veggies, but tasted like a dip, so everyone was happy.  Plus, it was a crock pot meal, so I did all the work (which really is just cutting up a few veggies) in the morning during the baby's nap and then voila, it was done at dinner time.  I heart crock pots, like, so much.

Find this deliciousness in recipe form: HERE

Everyone all actually ate a bowl...which is unheard of, especially for a certain 5 year old that claims soup is disgusting in all forms.  So I had to share in case you are wondering what to cook, how to get your kids or yourself to eat carrots, spinach and tomatoes.  This is the recipe for you.  :)

Andrew even had 3 bowls and kept wanting more...until he licked the bowl clean and in the process got soup in his eye.  Here is proof.

Boat Calling

Joshua: "beep beep beep..ring ring...calling Mom"
Me: cradling my hand (aka my phone) to my ear "Hello?"
J: "Hey Mom!  It's me, Josh."
Me: "Oh hey buddy, how are you?"
J: "I'm good."
Me: "Cool, what are you doing?"
J: "Oh, I'm just packing to go on a trip in my boat."
Me: "Wow, where are you going?"

I look across the room and he is lounging in a giant box filled with pillows, staring at the ceiling talking into a plastic phone.

J: "I think I am going to go visit Martin and Chris, you know, see how they are."

For those of you who don't know, those are the guys from the show Wild Kratts, the boys' favorite show.

Me: "Oh cool, cool, how long are you going to be gone?"
J: "Um probably like 4 days or so."
Me: "Well, do you have enough food packed?"
J: "I have a giant barrel of water, so I'm good there, and we will just catch fish and stuff as we go."
Me: "Don't you need to cook fish?"
J: "No, it's fine."
Me: "Okay, well, that's good, sounds like you have it all planned."
J: "Yup, just wanted to let you know."
Me: "Awesome, well be safe, I love you."
J: "Love you too Mom."
Click
Click

This was probably my favorite part of today.  I haven't been the best about actually playing with my kids.  They entertain each other so well, what do I really need to do when it comes to play time?  But I have been realizing that they are kind of just falling to the background of my life.  I take care of them, but I don't really care for them.  And that should never happen.  So I have been really working on changing that around.
1. Pray for them. I have been praying for them, each of them, by name.
2. Pay attention.  I try to listen to them.  This is super difficult because holy cow, they talk a lot.  In this, I am a work in progress.  A real work in progress.
3. Play with them.  Kids love it when adults, especially their parents spend time to get in their world.  It is hilarious and I love it.  It isn't easy, but I love seeing their giggling faces and knowing that just for a minute, I am their friend.  And maybe as I get better, I will be their friend minute by minute until it is all the time.

That way, they will call me when they are on pretend boats, wishing they were on a boat, or actually on a boat.  I want them to call, "just to let me know."