You Should Never Be Alone

I have a bit of a temper.  What mom that is exhausted and works to clean and cook and clean and cook some more doesn't?  It has been quite a challenge learning to temper it, haha.  But for real, it truly has been quite the task for me.  So why my children can possibly forgive me so quickly for my cranky moments, I have no idea.  They truly are the closest things to perfect beings.  Funny that we have to try to become like we were originally to become perfected isn't?  Be like a little child and all that.

Well, I don't think I have been particularly angry lately, but have had my bouts of cranky.  I have been trying to look at my children when they talk, really hear what they say.  I find it especially difficult because that encourages them to say more, which is wonderful, but also even more exhausting.  But I love it, and am learning to love it enough that I don't tell them to stop talking like I did the first few times.  It isn't easy trying to be better.  :)

Well, anyways, I have been noticing lately that Matthew, my 3 year old, has been kind of attached to me his whole life.  I never noticed it because he isn't clingy or demands my attention too much, he is loud, but kind of under the radar.  Middle child stuff I guess.  But I was looking back on life and realizing just how often he was nearby, not hovering, just nearby.  And he would often say things like, "When I grow up, I am going to live with you Mama, because you need me."  Stuff like that.  Really quite adorable.

Today I was folding clothes and he comes running up and hugs my arm and protectively says, "Mama, don't worry, I'm here."
Me: "Um, thanks Matthew."
M: "Yup, you should never be alone."
Me: "I can be alone Matthew, I'm fine." (I'm thinking, it would be nice to be alone every once in awhile, like when I go to the bathroom for instance)
M: "No, Mama, you are special, you should never be alone."

And then under his breath he berates his older brothers for not doing their duty and leaving my side.  So I am not sure where he got the idea that I need their protection...no, I take that back, I do know.  Tyson is very good at teaching them that they are to help me and when he isn't around, they have to be men and be like he would be.  What a gift to have a father that teaches them so well, and for me to have a husband that cares so much that my little boys know that they are to protect their mother.  They are going to make some girls very happy someday.

I wanted to write this down because as little Matthew was gripping my arm today and glancing around like someone might attack me and he had to be ready to save me, I didn't want to forget his little face.  Someday he might forget about how much he loves me now, I hope not, but he will become a teenager and tough and probably with those dimples, quite popular.  It might be easy to forget about mom.  But I want to remember that he never wanted me alone.  Maybe so I can remind him and torture him, but also, so I can look back and smile as I think about these days where I am never alone.

Twilight Velvet

Tonight the sky is deep blue in color, I think I would name it twilight velvet, and the moon is almost rounded and full and shining it's white light as the cicadas lull you in which their constant hum.  The moisture in the air is enough to make your skin feel sticky, but not so much so that you feel like you are breathing water.  It is nights like this that make me feel like writing, like a poet again.

And then I walk back in my home to check on my little ones and they looked like they collapsed mid-charades, which they probably did.  Their limbs either flop over their bodies or are draped over pillows or dangling off the mattress.  Their little faces are so round and soft when they are still.  It is so different from when they are awake and the constant chatter almost numbs my brain.  It is then that I barely see them because they never hold still and I am constantly multi-tasking: cleaning dishes, prepping meals, answering questions, glancing up just in time to "watch this Mama!," remembering to change that poopy diaper before he gets a rash or before we all die from the fumes.  It is nice sometimes for my heart to stop my brain and body just long enough to catch the special moments, the ones I know I won't want to forget.

Like my little Joshua, who is so not little anymore, crouched on the floor of his room, flipping through a book and muttering to himself.  About ten other books are cascaded around him and I wonder what on earth he is thinking or doing.  Then he glances up and gets this adorable grin with his hilarious giant front teeth that are slightly crooked and gapped.  His eyes are smiling too and they are just filled with love and happiness.  I know he knows I love him, but I tell him anyway.

I think of my Creator, the one who made my children, and me, and the cicadas and the beautiful night sky.  How good He is.  Then that reminds me of Caleb's question to me today:

C: "Mom, if dinosaurs existed for a really long time before people did, but Jesus made the Earth and then right after that put Adam and Eve on it, how does that work?"

I told him that I had no idea, I had wondered that too, but that if Heavenly Father really wanted him to know, then Caleb should pray about it and Heavenly Father would tell him.  And Josh was wise enough to add,

J: "But then you need to listen, so you can hear his answer."

I think I taught them, but I know I learn more from them that I have learned from anyone else in my lifetime.  I love my children.  I love the evening sky.  And I love God.

The Birds and The Bees

My boys are getting old.  It is bizarre how fast diapers, feeding, constant care turns into sports, hikes, eating, smelly feet, and giggling about fart noises and burping.  It is disgusting, but completely hilarious at the same time.  I love my boys.  It is bitter-sweet for sure to see them growing up so fast.

With all the growth spurts and the quick paced world we live in, I know it is only a matter of time before my boys have friends or they will hear in school or TV or something about sex.  And I didn't want them to not know about it from us first, the way it is supposed to be taught.  I have been thinking about it a lot lately, especially with gay marriage being legalized.  How can I teach them about that and how that fits (well doesn't fit) in the Lord's commandments, if they don't even understand the basics first?

I counseled with my husband about what to do, and he said, "let's talk to them about it."  I am freaking out, probably getting ulcers about it, wanting to do tons of research on how to say it best.  Thankfully I married the best man out there.  It was no big deal.  After our bedtime routine, he sent the younger three to bed so that we could talk to the older two.  It was the cutest thing, seeing my older boys perched around their dad, listening so intently to everything he had to teach them.

Tyson explained how our bodies are sacred and how we have special parts that Heavenly Father gave us so we can make babies.  We need a guy and a girl to make a baby.  We (okay he did, I was still freaking out inside) taught them about the technical terms:

T: "Us boys, our sacred part is called a penis.  And girls have special parts called a vagina, uterus and ovaries."
C: "Kind of like overalls?"
T: "Um, no, nothing like overalls, but good try."

(In case you are wondering, we laughed a lot.  It is so easy to not be too serious with these boys.  It is difficult to not get too giggly, but we did pretty good.)

We also discussed when and with who using our special parts was okay.

T: "So we use our special parts to make babies.  Can you guys think of when it is not okay to use our special parts?"
C: "Like, at a dance?"
T: "Very good, we wouldn't want to do that at a dance."
J: "At a restaurant?"
T: (trying to gulp for air he is laughing so hard) "Very good, I never would have thought of that.  For sure not at a restaurant. When else?"
C: "At a store?"
T: "Yes, yes, very good." pause to get control of himself "What I was getting at is that we only use our special parts when we are married and with the person we are married to."

We also talked about how boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls, but Heavenly Father has taught us that marriage is only between a man and a woman.  That way children can be born into a family that has a dad and a mom that love them and take care of them and teach them to do what is right.  These people aren't bad, they are just making some bad decisions.

T: "Some people like people that are the same.  Like some boys like boys.  Josh, I think you like girls right?"
J: "Oh, I like girls.  Yes, I like girls." (with a giant goofy grin)
T: "And Caleb, you like girls because you have a girlfriend right?"
C: "Yup, I don't have more than one girlfriend yet, because I haven't found another one yet."
T: "Hmmm, yeah, you will."

(Obviously, I have more to teach them about how we should only have one girlfriend at a time, but I don't think single dating should start yet...)

It was a very interesting conversation and I am so amazed by how intelligent yet simple Tyson handled it all.  The boys had some questions but weren't shocked and totally grossed out.  I think it was a success.  The Lord's plan for us is so perfect.  I love that my littles have their daddy to help them and teach them and train them.  I want my boys to learn what the Lord wants them to do, then pray about it and act how they feel they should.  I hope their questions, which will come all too soon, will be something I can answer.  I need to make sure I am capable of being humble enough I can hear what the Lord wants me to say.

Fortune Telling

Josh and Caleb are sitting at the table coloring and I overhear this:

Josh: Caleb, what are eating for breakfast tomorrow?
Caleb: um, I don't know.
Josh: Heavenly Father knows!

It is hilarious how the boys apply gospel learning into their life. So what are you eating for your next meal? :)