Detective Mom

Being a mom is so what I thought it would be, and so not what I thought it would be.  I knew I would change a million diapers, I knew I would be their coach, complaint department, best friend, worst enemy.  I knew I would get graham cracker kisses and I was so looking forward to that.

However, I did not expect the having to learn to pee either with an audience or with four children sitting outside the door.  I did not expect to constantly be covered in snot, drool, spit up or another unknown substance.  Literally, most days, my shirt and pant legs are smeared with something.  It is quite often difficult to see the point in getting dressed, much less ever vacuuming.  I know the second I do, someone is going to come in with leaves and crumble them up, or be eating a cookie and proceed to leave more on the floor than could possibly begin as one cookie in the first place.

Another thing I did not expect is the type of thinking I would be doing.  Often, very often, I find myself thinking "what is THAT?"  You know when you see that brown blob on the floor and pray that it is chocolate, a leaf, or even a bug, not poop?  Well, the other day, I walk into my room and there is this white powder all over the floor, across the bottom ridge of my hope chest and as I look closer, in the key hole of the hope chest.  I start thinking "what the...? Anthrax wouldn't be in my house...or drugs...maybe sugar?"  Then I see a very small remnant of a cracker.  So using my detective reasoning skills I deduct that little Andrew was eating a cracker, in my bedroom, saw the lock and thought, "hm, wonder if this cracker will open it."  So then he proceeded to twist the cracker, shaving off little crumbs into the lock and all over in the surrounding area.  At least, that is what I imagine to have happened.  I really will never know.  But that is one of the fun parts of being a mom I didn't know would happen so often: deductive reasoning and creating stories and images of who dunnit. 

I also didn't know that I would love these little creatures so completely.  So much so that I can't say no whole heartedly enough when I tell them to stay in their beds that they keep harassing me and then end up falling asleep bundled next to me.  They are just beyond cute.  I never expected to love like this.

The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away, Blessed Be the Name of the Lord

I don't have an update on how I have been with eating and planning better meals...because well, I have really gone backwards this last week.  You know how I told you I was pregnant with baby number 5?  Well, last Sunday I started cramping really bad and then began to bleed.  I miscarried once in between Caleb and Matthew, and that was sad, but very straight forward.  I bled for several days and then I was done and I knew that pregnancy was over.  But this one, I just bled for a few hours and then stopped.  I had no idea what was going on.  I was dizzy and EXHAUSTED and really nauseous.

We were out when the bleeding started, so Tyson drove home as fast as he could and I ran inside. A million emotions took me over.  It is amazing how fast I became attached to the idea of another baby.  How quickly I love the little people inside me.  My rational side said everything would be fine, we could get pregnant again, give me more time to adjust to having five kids.  I could get in better shape and be more prepared to be pregnant again.  But my heart just didn't want to give up and didn't want to loose a baby. 

Tyson quietly came into the room I was in and just held me as I sobbed like a little baby for a few minutes.  Part of me was like "girl, give it up, it is your sixth pregnancy!! Why do you even care?" but my more weepy motherly side took over and wanted her say.  A scripture came to my mind that I have heard more than I have read, "the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)

That is why I announce my pregnancies so early, because I know even if I do miscarry, that it is a life and Tyson and I want to celebrate it, no matter how long it lasts.  And I knew the Lord would take care of everything.  That doesn't mean I was a great person for the next few days, and I wasn't totally happy with all the different emotions and side effects I felt, but I tried my best to trust in the Lord.

So Tuesday we went in for an ultrasound and turns out, the baby is fine!  It is a cute little blob, maybe 5 millimeters big, still with a little tail.  But, it has a heartbeat.  Isn't that incredible?  It has only been developing for a few weeks (I am roughly 7 weeks along) and it's heart is already formed and beating?!  What a miracle.  I do however have a subchorionic hemorrhage.  That means that a part of the placenta has pulled away from the uterus.  This has never happened in any of my pregnancies before (that we know of), so I was a little worried, but SO relieved that the baby is alive and that I don't have to abort the baby to keep me alive (I was most worried about that, an ectopic pregnancy), so a little hemorrhage seems like nothing in comparison.  The midwife told us that almost always, the body just heals the hemorrhage and it is no big deal at all.  I am however at a greater risk of miscarrying now, because the placenta may be pulling away because it knows the baby isn't developing right or something else is wrong.  It is incredible what our bodies do without us even knowing it.  That in and of itself tells me there is a God. 

Since then, I still feel tired, nauseous and pregnant, but I am so thankful.  Thankful because for however long, I get to stay pregnant, that I got to see the little heart beating.  Thankful Tyson got to be there with me.  Thankful for all the adorable prayers my little boys say:

Caleb: "Please bless this baby that it will stick."
Josh: "Bless Mama and the baby in her to get better."
Matthew: "Peas bess the baby in Mama's tummy. Bess Mama to get better."

And even though I feel fine now and I am strong and trying to get caught up on all the household things that I fell behind on (okay, that I just haven't done in months).  Not to mention I haven't gone shopping in forever and hate the thought of cooking, so everyone has been living off of pb&j sandwiches and popcorn or going out to eat which is super fun, but our budget is not so happy with us.

We have been surrounded by kind people.  Our families have been angels and offered so much love.  Our friends have brought us meals and presents to remind me to be happy.  Seriously, it is crazy all the love people keep giving us.  I feel guilty accepting it because I am really okay.  I am capable of cooking.  I am happy and I know I am going to be okay and so will our family.  I know this is a very small thing to experience and hardly a trial at all.  But I don't want to turn people away who are so kind to help us because, 1: I know it helps me and whatever energy I can save and use to be nice to my family, it is totally worth it, 2: I know how good it makes me to help other people and how hard it is to want to help but not know what to do or be told that we aren't needed. 

So I hope somehow I can give back to these wonderful people that have been so kind, or that they will be blessed a million fold for their generosity.  I am even more assured that the Lord loves us, He knows us, He knows what we need, He knows how to help us.  He wants us to be truly happy in the long term, even if that means giving up the things and people that make us happy in the here and now.  A great talk that addresses this can be found here. 

So even though I am not the best at being happy all the time (my children will attest to the Mama Monster that makes her appearance), I am continually grateful to the Lord for everything He gives us and tries us and teaches us and loves us.  He always loves us.  It is a wonderful reminder how I do not want to lose this baby, a million times more He doesn't want to lose any of His children.

Just call me Personal Hygiene

Tyson has a lot of nick names for me, "sweetie," "hunny bunches," "pretty woman," "pumpkinbabers," "woman," and a few not so appropriate to be shared.  But the kids are really used to Tyson calling me all kinds of things.  And sometimes they think he is talking about me, when he isn't.  Such was the case the other day...

Tyson is an angel and takes Joshua to the bus stop every morning.  Sometimes they go alone, and other times both Caleb and Matthew love to join the little journey down the hill and back.  The other day, Caleb decided to trail along.  On the way back Tyson was thinking about he needed to get inside and take a shower really quick and get to work, so he said out loud, "I need to get inside and take care of my personal hygiene."

Caleb responded: "I know what that means."
Tyson: "Oh really, what is personal hygiene?"
Caleb (with a super proud smirk on his face): "You are talking about Mama."

So folks, I am also called personal hygiene.  Not sure what to think about that one.  But, I guess if it means I get more time with Tyson, I will take it.  :)

Wonder vs. Wheat Bread (week 3)

We found out this on Friday:

Crazy.  We were planning on having another one and I stopped taking birth control several months ago, so we knew it was going to happen soon.  But even when you are planning for something, you still are never really ready for it.  Especially when you conveniently forget about all the pain and stress it will cause you until it is too late to go back.  But I am totally thankful.  I know each one of our babies are incredible and so worth every second of worry and exhaustion (although sometimes I have to go outside and count to 100 to remember that).  And the Lord always bless us with what we need to care for them, so I know we will be fine.  We just have to work harder and pull together as a family.

I haven't felt super sick or anything until today and I just can't shake the nauseous feeling.  There are so many women that puke so much that they are hospitalized for weeks and have so many struggles.  But for me, I puke once and I don't know how to handle it.  Of course when I threw up today Andrew was right there next to me trying to stick his head in the puke line of fire and started laughing like crazy like it was so funny.  So I am trying to hold him back with one arm and my hair back with the other one.  Good times.  :)  But I just remind myself that I have it SO easy compared to other people, and I need to just keep busy so I don't think about it.  Problem is, being a stay at home mom, I am super busy, but my brain isn't super worked, so when I am cleaning or cooking or folding laundry or wiping bums, my mind can wander and mope about how horrible I am feeling.  Anyone have any good suggestions to get my thoughts off my own feelings?  That would be GREAT.

So despite the sick feelings, I have still been making good steps on actually making dinner for my family for one, and I am still trying to do it in a healthy way and not spending a ton.  Not sure how well I am doing on the not spending a ton, but pretty sure I am not doing great since the aura in the house was full of a tad bit of tension Monday night after we plugged our receipt total into Tyson's amazing excel spreadsheet and we updated the budget.  Yup, pretty sure I am failing on that one.  But after wanting to cry and scream and give up, it motivates me to keep trying harder and get it right.  I want to be a blessing to my family, not just spend everything and more than what we earn. 

So you know how I started planning different themes for the evening meals?  Well, everyone is really liking it.  I have diverged a few times, mostly because we have so many leftovers (awesome problem to have right?).  My favorite dinner was Italian soup and homemade bread.  Both of which were really easy, and I have only made bread a few times and I don't have a bread maker.

 

The recipes are here for the soup at yourcupofcake.com and here for the bread at lovingmarshall.com.  Super happy about both, plus they are both awesome and cheap with tons of leftovers.  Crockpot stuffed peppers worked really great too and were REALLY cheap, so here is the recipe I used for that at skinnyms.com.

Hooray Pinterest!!

Wonder vs. Wheat Bread (week 2)

 Yesterday I spent probably way too much time researching about how to save money and make better meals for my family at the same time.  Then I went shopping for two hours at three different stores.  I did feel good about the fact that I didn't buy any meat (except for lunch meat) and only one bag of cereal, and that I went to different stores because I had researched where different items were cheaper.  Go me!

The only thing I did spend a lot on was milk products, those SO add up.  But hopefully my next shopping trip will be better.

The big thing that really helped this week was coming up with a theme for each day.  I saw several different bloggers suggest this.  For so many years now, I thought, having every Friday be pizza night would drive me crazy, because what if I don't want pizza then?  But as I read, several people kept mentioning that it really helped them as they planned their weekly menu because then they weren't stressed trying to figure out what to plan each night, they already had a guideline.  Plus, since they weren't so stressed, they were able to make more diverse meals within that "theme," which was way more fun for them.  So I am really hoping that will work for me.

It is also really nice because instead of feeling like I have no plan and try to think of things for hours, I have a base to go from, but I don't feel like super controlled like someone is writing the menu for me.  Because my husband doesn't like pork, and none of us like seafood in any food (minus tuna), so a fish night, so would not work for us.

So this is how it is going to shake down for our family:

Monday: Pizza Night
Tuesday: Soup and/or sandwich
Wednesday: Vegetarian
Thursday: Crock pot
Friday: Ethnic/International
Saturday: leftovers or eat out (this is always our busy day with different plans)
Sunday: Cassarole or roast in winter, Grill in the summer

I am really excited to take this for a spin.  After freaking out about what to feed my family after the fiasco of overspending last month and still feeling like we were starving, I spent like 5 hours researching and trying to find meals that my kids would actually eat.  Once I decided to try the theme nights, it took me half an hour and that includes writing out the grocery list.  That alone is worth it.

So for this week we have some awesome meals to look forward to that I actually am excited to cook (that NEVER happens for me).  We splurged and had hoagies tonight, that one is expensive with the lunch meat and all the cheese and bread.  But that is my hubby's favorite meal and it was our end of summer hurrah.  Next week I will let you know any winners and keep you updated on the spending better process.  Until then...