I am naturally a positive person. I have to be. I am pretty sure I drive people crazy sometimes because they might complain about their life or mention something sad and I just try to flip it to be a good thing. I don't mean to be rude or annoying, I just can't handle negativity. It is too easy to slip into a rut of endless sadness and despair because of a negative thought. Sometimes I disgust myself because I feel like I sound like a cheerful chipmunk. Or if I can't think of a good thing to say, I just keep quiet. (That is the Bambi philosophy, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all") Well, that is unless I am talking to Kenni, my mom or Tyson. That is when I vent and complain about everything. :) I'm working on that.
But still, I try to see the good in things. Our tree fell down, no big deal, our car is okay and it is just great the tree fell the way it did. Our dryer broke, no worries, it just gives me a chance to learn how to fix it. Our car breaks, we replace the whole engine, don't have the car for weeks, no worries, it teaches us to be grateful and hey, I lost 10 pounds from all the walking I had to do.
Lots of little/somewhat big things keep going wrong. It is really wearing down all the optimism and patience I have. This morning, Tyson's sister came up from the basement to use our bathroom because the downstairs one wasn't working. "WHAT!" I thought. And Tyson said "I give up." This is the news of the week and why this last announcement did us in: Well, now we have termites, (yes, termites), we need to buy a new stove for the basement, our car is dying yet again (it just randomly dies, always when I am in the car and not home and with all three kids), we still have to fix the roof on our shed and clean up all the rest of the tree stuff that litters the road (thankfully the main tree trunk is gone now though) AND the toilet in the basement was broken.
How long can we keep going like this? Are we supposed to just keep paying and paying to fix things when we really need to save money and buy food storage and pay off the mortgage? I don't know. It is one of those moments in life where we need to decide/figure out what the Lord wants us to do. Are we supposed to be here? Are we doing something wrong? Or is this just an opportunity to do things differently? Does it motivate us to live a different life than we have been? Because right now, my instincts tell me to curl up in a ball and cry until all the bad stuff stops happening. But the bad stuff doesn't go away on its own and really, what would they make me? Just a huddle of a person.
So, what I need to do is take a deep breath and take care of one problem at a time. Thankfully, the toilet kind of did fix itself, whew. And all the other things, I guess I just need to pick one and deal with it. And really, if these are the problems we have, I would much rather have these than sickness or death or marriage problems. I know my life is great. I just want to know what I should do to make even better and not so spendy. Or at least, if it spendy then at least it is spending money on chocolate. Right? :) So I suppose my next step is to pray, the Lord is the one that knows what I need to do. So why am I waiting to ask Him?
Remember why we are here on this Earth. There are always going to be challenges, just like there will always be bills with not enough money to pay them... at least while we're young raising a family. If you're a home owner, it's all the more fun. :)
ReplyDeleteI must admit, I was actually really excited to read this post. You ARE so up beat most of the time, and seem to have the perfect marriage and the perfect family, and... I was starting to wonder what was wrong with me. :)
Hang in there! I'd like to say it gets easier as time goes on, but it it doesn't. Different trials come perhaps, but they're always there. We just have to learn how to take them with stride! Remember Heavenly Father won't give you anything you can't handle and he will provide a way for things to work out, perhaps not the way you may want them to, but they will. Just be patient with Him.
Bill has told me a couple of times that I'm too negative. At first I was really offended that he would think I'm that kind of person. Then I realized that he probably thought that because I don't complain to anybody (most of the time) except to him (and Amy and my mom...but mostly to him). So. I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that. And I'm working on being better about that so he really believes that I'm a happy optimistic person. (But man, sometimes I just need to let it out!!)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about all of the things that keep breaking down. I may not have the same trials, but I do have my own and sometimes they just weigh on you. (And it's okay to curl up in ball and cry every now and then.) Something I've been doing for myself the last few months as I've been struggling is keeping a "Blessings Journal" It's a journal set apart just for the blessings I see each week in my life. At first it was really hard to come up with things write but it has gotten easier with time. It truly is a blessing to rely on the Lord and look for how He is carrying us through the storms of life.
Anyway, I just wrote a novel...but I want you to know I appreciate your optimism. I always have. Hang in there and I love you! Oh and you have free rein to complain to me whenever you need to. We're practically sisters anyway :)
Oh, honey... I totally get it when things keeps breaking on you. Except we are renters and are very lucky on that front, so we don't have to pay for most of the household repairs. Our big bills keep coming in medical form.
ReplyDeleteI have had several breakdown and curl up in a ball moments that, well, I'm really not proud of (since I seem to do it all the time). Eek.
I try to look at it as ways to grow, and let others serve you. I hate asking for help, but sometimes you have to. If you ever need a car to get to the store or anything, or need someone to just watch the kids so you can get 5 minutes of peace, I'm here for you. I'll gladly be here for you when you need someone to vent to.
Just breath deep and know that you are loved not only by your Father in Heaven, but also by many wonderful friends that surround you. ((hugs))